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nic
USA
51 Posts |
 Posted - Dec 15 2018 : 11:28:41 AM
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Hello everyone,
I am looking for some reassurance from those have been on the path for awhile. I feel like some things happened to me during this process that my mind can't recover from. The shifts I went through were so dramatic literally from day to night. I went from full blown atheist to seeing the face of God in everything and everyone. When that shift occurred a very loving voice that I felt like I knew for eternity told me that I was going to enter darkness. After that experience, demons followed me around for months. I didn't realize it at the time, I couldn't imagine that something could control my thoughts and make me feel tremendous amounts of fear. When I finally came to terms with that that it wasn't me, a golden Egyptian energy flooded my entire body as I turned into light and the demon vanished.
By this time I was so open because I could see all these realms and aspects of myself from the future that were very alien like. I had overwhelming clairvoyance seeing aliens walk through my wall and beings in the sky. But the thing that truly traumatized me was stangers reading my mind.
It was like the first year of this awakening, everything dark came. I went to people and they pretty much asserted themselves over me and went inside my mind, and stalked me from day to day. These people always let me know what I was thinking and doing though I was alone in my room. My mind can't shake this, its like I've been kicked out of my own house and moved next door. I can't do or think anything without fearing that others here me. I feel like I've been reduced to a vulnerable child. I try everyday to summon my strength and dignity, but it feels like everything has been destroyed like my soul and my mind. I have no personal space to think for myself, every time I try someone pops in my mind and I fear that I am exposed to them. I ended up feeling so frantic and overwhelmed that I dropped all practices.
I already developed trauma growing up that resulted in me feeling invisible or like a ghost, and this is the fullest manifestation of that. It is very sad and even pathetic that I feel I cannot go within myself and just be. I think that I am misinformed. I don't know really what its like to read others mind and be in their energy field. I fear I put these people on a pedestal and its illogical. I really don't know if its possible that someone can hear my every thought and know what I am doing when I just think of them, but thats what happened. It wasn't nice either the people felt like they were trying to bully me or make me feel small. I fear to think of the monk I spoke to or anyone spiritual person that I let into my mind. This has gone overboard I am paranoid every second of the day. If this didn't happen, I think I would have integrated the other experiences very well, but now I can't get with my myself or experience at all.
Can anyone give me a reality check please? This to me is a form of psychosis because I have lost all boundaries and control. |
Edited by - nic on Dec 15 2018 11:33:05 AM |
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Dogboy
USA
2198 Posts |
Posted - Dec 15 2018 : 2:37:33 PM
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| Perhaps your awakening did trigger psychosis. Have you seen a mental health specialist? Is there a family history of mental distress? If so, I urge you to investigate that to start. Stopping practice for a while is a good idea, at least until you find stability. |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4375 Posts |
Posted - Dec 15 2018 : 3:35:41 PM
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Hi Nic,
Could you describe the spiritual practices that you have been engaged in over the last few years?
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nic
USA
51 Posts |
Posted - Dec 15 2018 : 3:42:00 PM
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Thank you Dogboy, I wouldn't say my family has a history of mental illness; mainly just drug addiction. I have not seen a mental therapist because its likely they won't understand these psychic phenomena and they most likely try to put me on meds which I am uncomfortable with.
Hi Christi, I haven't done many spiritual practices. Just sitting with myself. Most of these experiences came out of the blue and felt like initiations of some sort with divine intervention happening throughout it. |
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Christi
United Kingdom
4375 Posts |
Posted - Dec 15 2018 : 4:44:47 PM
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Hi Nic,
It does sound as if you have done something at some point to destabilize your system. It sounds as if more than just mushrooms are the cause. I would suspect lifetimes of spiritual practices that have left you in an unstable condition.
I would second Dogboy in suggesting that you seek professional help from a doctor or psychiatrist. Sometimes it is important to take medication when we are ill.
Remaining grounded has to be a priority and engaging in grounding activities for at least several hours each day is important. Also, make sure that you have the support of family and friends around you. If you can get the help that you need, then you should be able to come to a more stable condition in time. I would focus on that first before considering adopting a spiritual practice.
Christi |
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nic
USA
51 Posts |
Posted - Dec 16 2018 : 12:34:30 PM
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| Yes I wasn't prepared for the cosmic 2X4s, thank you Christi. |
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Spiraling into Psychosis
