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 Yoga and Relationships
 marriage and moving
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Chard

116 Posts

Posted - May 25 2017 :  10:26:34 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Message
Hi All,
I wanted to reach out for support about an issue that I feel like is such a delicate matter that is difficult to discuss with people in my life...
So our family is gearing up for a big move to CA. We are excited and ready and we feel called to be in a certain area of CA. Yet, I was born and I've lived where I'm living on the east coast for my entire life aside from college. My family has lived here for 7 generations! There are such deep roots here for me and I feel like this is a major unraveling of my identity. I've been questioning EVERYTHING in my life, including my marriage which I've felt for some time that I've outgrown. I've been with my husband since I was 16 and he feels like a body part of mine. I love him dearly as a person and yet we're just not serving each other anymore if that makes sense... and yet there's such a deep love and attachment which is why I feel I've been continuing in the marriage. Maybe there's an even greater love out there waiting for him and I've realized that I'm holding him back and vice versa. I actually secretly prayed that the greatest love of his life would find him (maybe that's God or another person, who knows)... It feels like everything is unraveling and I've realized that if I'm going to completely rebuild my life I want to place people and things in it that nourish my soul and help propel my spiritual path. Even if I'm single and on that path that's fine too and better than being a in relationship where my soul feels unnourished. I've been quieting down my external commitments lately to really do alot of deep healing work. I've been having a reawakening of kundalini that I have not experienced in 10 years and alot of unravelings/dark nights of the soul -- all good though. I trust the process and know I'm on the right path. I'd greatly appreciate your support and thank you!!

Much Love, Chard

Charliedog

1187 Posts

Posted - May 26 2017 :  02:53:18 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Dear Chard,

Maybe this sounds a bit harsh. It is time to grow up. Be honest to your husband, your family, and live YOUR truth. it starts with opening up, talk to your husband, share your doubts.
Open your heart, you might be surprised, he could have the same feelings as you for instance. Or you could see him completely different if you both start talking from a deeper level. Sometimes we hide our real face because we are afraid for changes, but everything will change, always, there is no controle.

Love, Strength, Unity
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jusmail

India
292 Posts

Posted - May 26 2017 :  09:22:24 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Yes, talk things over with significant others in your life. Batgap.com has an interview with Regina Dawn Acres which might be of great help.
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sunyata

USA
1236 Posts

Posted - May 26 2017 :  09:49:37 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
May you find the answers in Stillness.
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BlueRaincoat

United Kingdom
1089 Posts

Posted - May 26 2017 :  1:53:28 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi Chard, welcome back!

I second Sunyata. I would also say: Take your time. Kundalini awakenings can be unsettling events. Whatever decision you make, give it enough time to make sure it is the best possible outcome for everyone involved.

All the best
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lalow33

USA
698 Posts

Posted - May 26 2017 :  2:00:23 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi Chard,

Have you heard of The Work? It's a self-inquiry tool by Byron Katie. I think you could use many of your statements in your post. It might give you further clarity.
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Chard

116 Posts

Posted - May 27 2017 :  2:23:04 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Thank you all so much! I'm reminded how helpful this forum has been in just allowing me to let go and say what I need to say without a mask! You are so right CharlieDog, I need to just grow up lol! I was just listening to Karen Drucker's music and she says "leave the shore and float into the uknown" and that's just what I'm becoming ready to do. I will check out those resources- that you all! I'm finding that writing and blogging has been especially helpful in just being able to transmute all these difficult emotions into something helpful to others. Being of service to others in general has been very very helpful as well as dancing, energy healing and meditation of course. I've started speaking the truth more to my husband as well and we'll just see how things unfold... Thank you again! Chard
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sunyata

USA
1236 Posts

Posted - May 27 2017 :  9:12:29 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
to you, Chard. You are right, things will unfold exactly like they are supposed to. Continue on the path, the rest will be taken care of.


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Charliedog

1187 Posts

Posted - May 28 2017 :  12:33:56 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
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Chard

116 Posts

Posted - Jun 12 2017 :  12:23:28 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Thank you Jusmail and Lalow33 for those resources. Thank you for the collective support of your wise souls during this challenging time in my life.

So I feel like I have naturally (like a leaf falling from a tree) emotionally and soulfully shed the snake-skin of my marriage. I feel we are at different vibrational frequencies and I just feel like I can't fake a sense of wanting to be intimate with him that's just not there. Frankly, I'm just shocked and saddened that this is where I'm at in my marriage and it feels scary too. Yet, on the other hand, there are so many cords attaching me to him- kids reactions, selling house, my very close relationship with his whole family especially my mother in law, the deep love and devotion I feel for him as a person, the devastation for both of an undoing of a marriage, my family/friend's reactions, the scary unknown future, this huge transition across the country, etc. Yet the biggest and strongest cord is the spiritual vow I made. When I make a real commitment to something or someone I'm steadfast in that. I made a spiritual vow to be married with him for life. I feel like undoing a marriage is dishonoring that commitment I made to God, myself and my husband. Yet at this same time, I feel that God has a higher purpose for my life (I can't quite see now) and I feel that being married to my husband is holding me back from really zooming on my spiritual path with God. I feel like remaining in my marriage is hurting my own soul. So I'm just sitting in the soup of it all. I would really love to hear feedback on this delicate matter. Aghh! Thank you!
Chard
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sunyata

USA
1236 Posts

Posted - Jun 12 2017 :  2:55:39 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi Chard,

My heart goes out to you. Difficult decisions to be made. I wish I could offer you some advice but nothing is coming up. All I can send your way is love & hugs.

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BlueRaincoat

United Kingdom
1089 Posts

Posted - Jun 12 2017 :  4:40:27 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi Chard

First, let me say that none of the thoughts I'm about to share here is meant to sway your decision either way. I just feel there are a couple of points that you might need to clarify with yourself before you come to a conclusion.

quote:
Originally posted by Chard
I feel that being married to my husband is holding me back from really zooming on my spiritual path with God.

In what way is your marriage holding you back? Are you talking about a practical hindrance, or is it an emotional block that you are speaking of?

Of course our relationships will change with us, as we change and grow. They need to keep up, otherwise, as you have pointed out, they become "old skins". When a marriage feels 'stuck in the past', I think the really important point to clarify is this: Is your mental image of the marriage that is 'stuck', making it difficult for your to see how the relationship can transform and grow? Or is it that your husband feels unable to accept/live with the person you are today?

Best wishes to you. I hope you will make a decision that you will be happy with in the years to come.

Edited by - BlueRaincoat on Jun 12 2017 4:42:04 PM
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lalow33

USA
698 Posts

Posted - Jun 12 2017 :  7:56:52 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Best wishes, Chard.
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jusmail

India
292 Posts

Posted - Jun 12 2017 :  8:40:14 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Erin Pavlina had posted this a while ago on her website. Thought this might help you. She and Steve were an ideal couple but had to part ways on friendly terms.

1. Everyoneís path is different. Donít assume you know how people should walk their
paths. You donít. Instead of advice, help people see their options.
2. No one knows the whole truth. As you learn and study, take the pieces that resonate
with you and throw the rest out. No one knows it all. However, everyone has something
to share that is of value.
3. Open your mind to other possibilities. Once you decide what is, you forever
close the door on what may be. Stay open minded. New truths are just beyond the
closed door.
4. You canít save anyone. Itís not your job or your responsibility. Just be a
beacon and let those who want to walk through your light do so of their own free
will.
5. Youíre not here to change the world. The world will change by your presence.
Make your presence positive.
6. Donít give your power to anyone. You are the author of your own life. When
you give someone else the pen, you give them the power to change your story. But
youíre the one who has to live it.
7. Learn how to be a vibrational match for your desires. Do not hope, pray, or
wish for what you desire. Instead be in the vibration of knowing what it feels like
for your desire to be a totally normal part of your life.
8. Love and gratitude are extremely high vibrations. Learn how to call upon them
at will. One person walking the planet in a state of love and gratitude balances
more than a hundred walking in fear.
9. Be kind to yourself. Everyone has moments they regret. Learn the lesson, shrug,
and keep walking. Donít drag your past with you into the future.
10. Donít judge others. You donít know what kind of life theyíve had, and you donít
know what lessons theyíve learned. Everyone is entitled to think the way they want
to think. Even if itís not the way YOU think.
11. You are a divine being, created from Love. You walk in Love, even when you
donít remember. You will return to Love, even if you donít think you deserve it.
There is nothing you can do to lose the Love of Source. Nothing.

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Charliedog

1187 Posts

Posted - Jun 13 2017 :  03:53:34 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi chard,

Wishing you strenght! I could only be honest and can not see your postings in the other forums loose from this one. Love, spirituality, thoughts about life and spirituality, it's all in you. Everyone is a spiritual being, spirituality is not something we do. Is it possible to use the sacred space you talk about in the tantraforums to talk with your husband, tell him your feelings, undo yourself of all you are keeping up?

Me personally, I lived a long time 'keeping up appearances' in my long time marriage and was dreaming of 'how it could be if.......' until I had my sudden k awakening. This happened with another man, who was telling me the truth, he was looked right true me and in me and did not spare me.

I could see in a flash what I did to myself and everyone around. I was taking a lot for granted, also my husband, I didn't see my husband, the man he really was/is, anymore, it where my thoughts about him, in fact I labeled him and life in general. To be completely naked and into the moment is scary and not easy at first, but it's the only way to be you.

Dear chard, this comes to mind 'wherever you go, there you are'

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dv2014

USA
84 Posts

Posted - Jun 13 2017 :  2:56:54 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
quote:
Originally posted by Chard


I feel like undoing a marriage is dishonoring that commitment I made to God, myself and my husband. Yet at this same time, I feel that God has a higher purpose for my life (I can't quite see now) and I feel that being married to my husband is holding me back from really zooming on my spiritual path with God.
Chard



Sorry to hear about your troubles. I can partially identify with such feelings and over the last several years I have sort of reinvented my relationship with my husband. Please be cautious of the several traps of the mind, as we often are tempted to think that there is something bigger somewhere else, whereas in many cases staying right there and then, and slowly growing out of the 'discomfort' is perhaps what we may have to endure through. If your mind tells 'going away' will bring you more peace and happiness - please think again.

You said your 'soul feels unnourished in this relationship' - of course as a spiritual person you know that the ultimate nourishment is within, and no relationship will ever nourish you to your content. All we can do is nourish ourselves through spiritual practices and give away a little to our relationships - as they say, relationships are always about 'giving'.

Sorry if I sounded preachy :-) just wanted to bring up a few points that stood out to me, in case they would be helpful in your decision making. Of course I don't know what you are going through or how 'stuck' you feel in the current relationship. Let your inner voice guide you through this stage in life. Wishing you good luck and strength

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Chard

116 Posts

Posted - Jun 14 2017 :  5:48:42 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Thank you all beautiful souls for your feedback. This all is so delicate and to the core for me. I'm not sure how much I can really respond right now to all your feedback aside from saying I shall let it all marinade. Any and all feedback is helpful, thank you. Ultimately I know it's about trusting my own heart/ inner wisdom and moving from that place. When I live from that place, my life always flows and God takes care of me and I know I'm where I'm meant to be. Joy is such an indicator that I'm in the right place. I'm so present to that as I'm sitting in the city we are to be moving to looking for housing and feel just butterflies and rainbows in my heart knowing I'm meant to be here! To be continued...C
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Chard

116 Posts

Posted - Jul 20 2017 :  10:25:01 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi Everyone! It's really helpful to bring all you souls with me on this big transition...so leaving my 12 Step Recovery meetings is another BIG deal in this transition of moving across the country that really just hit me last night. I began recovery nearly 11 yrs ago (feels like yesterday though!) and these meetings and the people have been a lifeline. I was visiting where I'll be moving last wk and went to a Recovery meeting there to get myself established in a new group. Luckily, it won't affect my sponsor relationship because we've talked on the phone for years and I only see her a few times a year anyway, but it feels like a huge loss to leave the 12 Step community where I live. I believe (God willing) my sobriety will remain intact but it feels like a hurdle. So my plan is to call people from the new meeting and avail myself as a sponsor to people in the new group for now. I am grateful that the city where I am moving has an abundance of meetings though. Just needed to share that. Thank you for listening! C
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Dogboy

USA
1289 Posts

Posted - Jul 21 2017 :  08:49:09 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
one day at a time
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lalow33

USA
698 Posts

Posted - Jul 23 2017 :  9:52:20 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
My sister moved out West. She likes this song, maybe you will?

Hold On
Tom Waits
Lyrics
They hung a sign up in our town
"If you live it up, you won't live it down"
So she left Monte Rio, son
Just like a bullet leaves a gun
With her charcoal eyes and Monroe hips
She went and took that California trip
Oh, the moon was gold, her hair like wind
Said, "don't look back, just come on, Jim"
Oh, you got to hold on, hold on
You gotta hold on
Take my hand, I'm standing right here, you gotta hold on
Well, he gave her a dimestore watch
And a ring made from a spoon
Everyone's looking for someone to blame
When you share my bed, you share my name
Well, go ahead and call the cops
You don't meet nice girls in coffee shops
She said, "baby, I still love you"
Sometimes there's nothin' left to do
Oh, but you got to hold on, hold on
Babe, you gotta hold on and take my hand
I'm standing right here, you gotta hold on
Well, God bless your crooked little heart
St. Louis got the best of me
I miss your broken China voice
How I wish you were still here with me
Oh, you build it up, you wreck it down
Then you burn your mansion to the ground
Oh, there's nothing left to keep you here
But when you're falling behind in this big blue world
Oh, you've got to hold on, hold on
Babe, you gotta hold on
Take my hand, I'm standing right here, you gotta hold on
Down by the Riverside motel
It's ten below and falling
By a ninety-nine cent store
She closed her eyes and started swaying
But it's so hard to dance that way
When it's cold and there's no music
Oh, your old hometown's so far away
But inside your head there's a record that's playing
A song called "Hold On", hold on
Babe, you gotta hold on
Take my hand, I'm standing right there, you gotta hold on
You gotta hold on, hold on
Babe, you gotta hold on
Take my hand, I'm standing right there, you gotta hold on
You gotta hold on, hold on
Babe, you gotta hold on
And take my hand, I'm standing right here, you gotta hold on
You gotta hold on, hold on
Babe, you gotta hold on
And take my hand, I'm standing right here, you gotta hold on
You gotta hold on
You gotta hold on
You gotta hold on
You gotta hold on
You gotta hold on, baby
You gotta hold on, girl
You gotta hold on
You gotta hold on
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Chard

116 Posts

Posted - Jul 25 2017 :  10:50:55 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Great song! I just listened to it! I'm holding on somehow lalow33!! A crying mess but I'm holidng on! Just missing everyone I've ever loved in my life right now as I leave my hometown...

I speak Spanish and was reflecting today on the word "hogar." It's a word that means home but doesn't directly translate. It means alot more than home, its actually more like "soul" and in the Latino culture (or at least Colombian culture) it really means that your home is a reflection of your soul and such a deep part of yourself. You're home is your soul and your soul is your home I suppose...So what/where is home anyway is the real question?

On what I will coin my "relocation to CA midlife crisis journey" (I shall at least retain my sense of humor throughout this upheaval, LOL!) I just visited my childhood home a few days ago that I had not visited since we moved from there 20 years ago. It was such a special experience to return as an adult to all these happy and sad childhood memories (so many memories which arise while I meditate). Some of my happiest memories as a child were climbing trees and when I meditate I often visualize this specific tree and it was so special to be able to touch that same tree after so many years. I thought I would feel so sad to return to the house but it was such a sense of completion and something I felt the itch to do before I left. I'm so glad I did.

...and to leave my mom and dad really for the first time on a permanent basis- the grief of that is deeper than I anticipated. The last time I felt this level of upheaval in my life was when I began recovery nearly 11 years ago. I do know that this too shall pass and where I will be 3, 6 mos down the road will be a different place. I can also see the fruits of this experience. I've noticed that my being able to be as upfront and honest as I have been on this forum has actually given me more courage in my business to be able to put myself out there more publicly which I've sort of shyed away from before. So I think courage is something I've been gaining in this process.

Gratefully, I have alot of support around me both here and in my 3D life right now. Thank you all for reading my journal! Much loveC
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Chard

116 Posts

Posted - Aug 11 2017 :  4:50:57 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Hi All, Just wanted to continue to share my relocation to CA journey...So today we left and are driving cross country -something I've never done before and it feels like an exciting pilgrimage!

It's bittersweet leaving the place I was born and raised with my support network but there's a real sense of peace and completion. I was just reflecting on what's happened in and around me the past few months.
I've faced the loss of leaving courageously and squarely in the eye- shed many tears, experienced resurgence of kundalini/purification/dark nights of the soul, experienced undeniable psychic abilities not previously experienced; somehow cared for my children, reconnected with the AYP forum, experienced the healing and joy of reconnection of an old childhood friend, opened Pandora's box and shared my truth about someone I still love after so many years, been transparent with my husband and shared authentically with him (I still am yet to have clarity on the long term direction of my marriage- I just know we are meant to be together now and support each other through this move). I've laughed hysterically with family and friends, revisited old childhood landmarks, supported my husband and son through their grief of moving, oh yeah, sold our house (well in the process right now, fingers crossed to close sept 15); enjoyed a few going away parties; and this week flagrantly and publicly individually acknowledged the special people in my life.
This life is so short and I never want to miss an opportunity to play full out, regardless of people's judgments of me or the courage it takes- and I can squarely say I have played full out these past few months! I feel like I said what I needed to say and did what I needed to do before leaving.
I feel complete now and the support of loved ones behind me and I feel ready and excited for this new unknown chapter in my life!
I want to acknowledge you all on this forum for continuing to support me through challenging times in my life. I'm grateful to call this community my own. Much love always, Chard

Edited by - Chard on Aug 11 2017 5:01:38 PM
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Dogboy

USA
1289 Posts

Posted - Aug 11 2017 :  10:07:18 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Take good care, Godspeed!
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Charliedog

1187 Posts

Posted - Aug 12 2017 :  03:46:00 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote  Get a Link to this Reply
Have a smooth journey
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