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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 19 2016 : 9:17:14 PM
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Well, I've griped in private to other people. I guess I'll bring it here. I'm really not very nice. I thought I'd be somewhere after years of practice. Nope, I'm here and very grouchy.
Other people seemed to fall into this wonderful bliss. It's not like I've never experienced it. Currently, I just get mad. Come tell me about peace and love. I'll show how I'm not peaceful( I can't say loving' cause sometimes I am).
Are there any one sided energetic people? Come talk to me. I thought I was all done with that, but nope, I ain't. |
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2016 : 9:45:41 PM
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I'll tell you a good way not to keep friends. Be like me, currently. I got sick of a gay friend lying to me. I guess you are not suppose to say that you know. I told him I know, stop lying to me, well, it ain't good folks, lost like 4 friends there, even though the others knew and talked about him behind his back. I did not.
I told my bff that she's kinda ridiculous after 3 yrs of OMG lets get together then she bails at the last minute. She's not talking to me either.
The absolute crappiest I have been is to my eldest sister. She just said I was being mean a couple of times, so I stopped. She still talks to me, no big deal on either side.
P.S. No one cares who anyone dated. That's what was soooooo ridiculous about all the lies with my gay friend. I guess the best way is to pretend he isn't constantly lying to you. That's what the others that no longer talk to me think, but they complain, so I don't know.
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Edited by - lalow33 on Jul 19 2016 9:59:39 PM |
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sunyata
USA
1507 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2016 : 10:40:34 PM
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Hi Lalow,
I would say human beings are not perfect. As we see and love our own imperfections, we love others with their imperfections.
Of course, we use our discernment to let go of toxic relationships. It is said that to be in a human body, there has to be a faint remain of ignorance. That means even the most Enlightened people alive are not perfect.
It's best sometimes to let somethings roll off your back. I always remind myself- Do you want to be right or do you want to be free?
 
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Edited by - sunyata on Jul 19 2016 10:44:23 PM |
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2016 : 10:52:23 PM
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sunyata, isn't it funny that my sis is the" fifth" from that group and the only one still talking to me. I heard months of bitching, so I told my gay friend that I knew( didn't say about other friends). He lied. We can't come over cause of something made up. He wants to go here with us but he says he's sick, sticks us paying for his part, and he's in a post at a gay party, and nooooo one cares who anyone is attracted to. I said something. It's over. I lost 4 friends.
Maybe, I wanted to be right. Everyone was bitching. I said something. My sister never backed me. I cussed her out. She still talks to me.
What I'd like to find in this world is someone that just listens, doesn't tell me what's up. This is a message board. It's not possible here. I've given advice that maybe I shouldn't. |
Edited by - lalow33 on Jul 19 2016 11:07:29 PM |
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sunyata
USA
1507 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2016 : 11:03:51 PM
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I have said this before- I have dropped expectations from the outside. It doesn't mean I'm opposed to receiving. I look for that wholeness inside me. That frees up a lot of space.
I would inquire/look closely why I lost the friends. Were they toxic and it's better that we are not friends? If the answer is yes, then I would be peace with it.
If I feel, our friendship is more important than this incident? I would reach out to them and keep the friendship.
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2016 : 11:12:02 PM
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| I have no belief that says there are toxic people. If there really are toxic people, well I'm it, currently. |
Edited by - lalow33 on Jul 20 2016 01:39:18 AM |
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sunyata
USA
1507 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2016 : 11:13:05 PM
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I'm sure a lot of people listen to you. May be not the exact way you want to be listened?
May be use this as a bhakti for self inquiry and reflection. |
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sunyata
USA
1507 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2016 : 11:14:06 PM
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Lalow,
May you find peace and tranquility that's in you.
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Jul 19 2016 : 11:23:20 PM
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| No inquiry. I look at something, and I get really crazy stuff. I got a long list of crazy stuff that has happened, like if I take a peek at it. It's too much. Zippo, zero looking at anything. |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Jul 20 2016 : 12:30:00 AM
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Yay! A grouchy yogini to pine away alongside the disgruntled mystic! Join the party.  |
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Jul 20 2016 : 01:17:01 AM
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| Love you guys, sunyata and Bodhi even though I argue with you both. Good people, folks. |
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Dennis
USA
83 Posts |
Posted - Jul 20 2016 : 02:06:43 AM
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Real friends don't 'break up' with you so quickly. Sounds like they're more like close acquaintances than friends.
I think you did the right thing. |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Jul 20 2016 : 02:30:48 AM
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quote:
What I'd like to find in this world is someone that just listens, doesn't tell me what's up. This is a message board. It's not possible here. I've given advice that maybe I shouldn't.
Listening, be a mirror is not so easy for most of us.
It is all about expectations. Most of us would like to see 'the other' happy or different then who he or she is, seen true our eyes. It is not easy to listen and don't give advice or comment, to just be there for the other.
The same way it works with ourselves, we would like to be different, better, more loving etc. but if we love ourself the way we really are, we also love 'the other' as he or she is. Only then we can see who he or she really is. Not perfect, but we can love the imperfection.
We are like mirrors, if we like it or not. If we change, the world changes with us, and we change always, all is changing always. 
Love to you lalow
Edit: Sometimes 'friends' disappear and sometimes new 'friends' appear. I have a meditation I use about transparency.
The meditation tells about how we can stay transparant, this way we can welcome people in our life, not cling on to them, they are free, we are free. The label 'friend', let it go....
It helped me, to see it this way.  |
Edited by - Charliedog on Jul 20 2016 03:53:49 AM |
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JR8036
USA
281 Posts |
Posted - Jul 20 2016 : 06:51:26 AM
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Hey! You guys beet me to it! I was gonna say something last about this topic but hey, I might have been a grouch myself. Grouchy about why I got myself into this situation. Laylow you are not the only one that is that way.
Grouchy or not you know we still love you |
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jusmail
India
491 Posts |
Posted - Jul 20 2016 : 07:26:12 AM
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| Hey go watch Groucho Marx on youtube :) |
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parvati9
USA
587 Posts |
Posted - Jul 20 2016 : 6:29:06 PM
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| Well Lalow, you may be one of the normal ones, as in it could be that most people are crabby these days. The whole planet seems to be going through a rough patch. A great many people are just looking for reasons to be offended, so they can brood about the unfair treatment. Maybe most of us just need a reason to brood. I've noticed that my habitual attitude is to enjoy being alienated and feeling unique in my isolation/ separation. So when it turns out (as has been discovered) that I'm just like everyone else, tending to become offended at the slightest thing, well... I don't know what to make of it. Of course, I'm not always crabby. And the magic happens when I catch myself intentionally getting offended - then the priceless little halfsmile is unavoidable - consequently it becomes very hard to really believe one is separate. lol. There's a trade-off between being what I am as honestly as I can at the moment ... and being sensitive to others being offended by me just being me. One may try too hard to be considerate and it often backfires. And usually the last thing people want to hear is an honest response to their self-deception and complaints. Being sensitive to how we are offensive to others is the kind of radical honesty that self-realization requires imo. |
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dv2014
USA
93 Posts |
Posted - Jul 20 2016 : 9:18:27 PM
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"Real Love" by Greg Baer was an eye opener - discovered from AYP forums of course.
To forgive others we have to forgive ourselves first - it is ok to be not so nice and perfect. I struggle with these a lot, but until it becomes spontaneous and natural from within it is perhaps ok to nudge the mind a little with these reminders ... ?
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Jul 22 2016 : 9:03:26 PM
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I appreciate all your responses. It was suggested to me to increase my walk times. I have done this. The mental and emotional have calmed down, but it's humid. Me and humidity don't get along with me as the body.
It did kick in my intuition. You know those moments when you see that everything happens on purpose. So what I've gotten from my hoopla and intuition is that I should listen to myself. Not myself so much thinking and planning and worrying, just that clear, do that or don't do that. Nothing mystical, just duh!, simple stuff, like when it's happening kinda stuff. Like one bite of that banana, and I don't feel good, so I don't eat the banana. I'm suppose to walk for1-2hrs, but I stop around an hr. cause I start to swell. It's not really thought about. You just do it. Instinct, intuition, whatever. |
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Jul 22 2016 : 10:01:42 PM
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I went on a road trip this week with the family to a heavy rock concert. One of the bands was Breaking Benjamin. It was an outdoor concert venue with an open pavilion. We were in the lawn. They played my fav song by them at sunset. It was awesome. I was close to tears.
My hubby told me later that the lead singer has some mystery illness. He feels electrocuted and poisoned at the same time. I guess he tried to drink himself to death but gave up on that. I guess he's seen 300 doctors with not much help. I feel for him. |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Jul 22 2016 : 11:19:06 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by lalow33
I went on a road trip this week with the family to a heavy rock concert. One of the bands was Breaking Benjamin. It was an outdoor concert venue with an open pavilion. We were in the lawn. They played my fav song by them at sunset. It was awesome. I was close to tears.
My hubby told me later that the lead singer has some mystery illness. He feels electrocuted and poisoned at the same time. I guess he tried to drink himself to death but gave up on that. I guess he's seen 300 doctors with not much help. I feel for him.
My classmate recently played a song of theirs for me. Not too bad at all. I'll do a little samyama for the lead singer. Glad you enjoyed the show. Live music is the bomb. |
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Jul 23 2016 : 01:00:14 AM
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I'm somber tonight.
Here's some lyrics from Breaking Benjamin from Dark Before Dawn Album
Time will take our place
We return it back to one
The calm before the cold,
The long and lonely road
Look for the light that leads me home
Tired of feeling lost, tired of letting go
Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down
Failure
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Jul 23 2016 : 01:55:11 AM
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| Keep journaling in your Grouchy Yogini topic lalow. It might help you. Not that you need help but you know what I mean. Self-inquire is important on this journey. |
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Jul 24 2016 : 7:24:28 PM
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| It seems that if you can't develop some divinity, you can still develop human compassion and love. Maybe not for everyone just yet, but it's possible. |
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Jul 24 2016 : 8:00:50 PM
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| I still wish upon a star even though I'm over 40 yrs. old. My wish has been the same for maybe 4-5 yrs. It hasn't come true. I wish for my mom to be happy, not every night, but lots. You're not suppose to tell your wish, but I'm going to tell her. |
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Dogboy
USA
2195 Posts |
Posted - Jul 24 2016 : 9:29:51 PM
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quote:
I still wish upon a star even though I'm over 40 yrs. old. My wish has been the same for maybe 4-5 yrs. It hasn't come true. I wish for my mom to be happy, not every night, but lots. You're not suppose to tell your wish, but I'm going to tell her.
Wishes and prayers are cousins, so wish and pray away. If Guru Inyou says to share it, who are you to do otherwise |
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Jul 25 2016 : 4:30:11 PM
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It's school time! Both of my kids( one preteen, the other a young teen) have ended up in engineering classes. A bit odd for young folks, but I'm trying to go with the flow. .
Personally, I'm for art and gym class 'til at least upper high school, but no one asks me. I guess I don't control the world.
I guess my youngest child will be okay. He once had an art project in 5th grade to draw himself at 100. Some kids made grave stones, some drew themselves with grey hair, not my son. He drew a crude pen drawing of a computer matrix where he was half robot. I'm his mom, so I thought it was awesome. |
Edited by - lalow33 on Jul 25 2016 4:47:03 PM |
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The grouchy yogini
