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Kala
USA
47 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 29 2016 : 05:50:10 AM
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Hello everyone,
It's been a very difficult year. The short of it is that in my meditation practice one evening I came upon very strong fear and anxiety. In the meditation, and out of the meditation, the fear/anxiety was not attached to anything in particular. It soon became attached to everything and I began avoiding people and losing sleep. Then I started having strange and uncomfortable physical sensations in my head and stomach. By this time I was reaching out for help from meditation and yoga teachers. Eventually I had what I think are kundalini experiences, inner experiences of vortexes and energy coming upon me and moving through the upward and downward channels and chakras. Some of these experiences were very scary for me, others were just 'nice' and brought no real challenge, per se, but were still very scary in that they would come on randomly and often at "inconvenient" times. During the time period that those experiences were happening I became really aware of some imbalance and tension all over but especially in the 2nd chakra. (There was an experience one evening that, as I recall, started the real crisis with the sexual experience). I was losing alot of sleep and eventually feeling constantly sexually stimulated. I would have a physical release and thirty minutes later feel the need for it again. The energy would not flow and by now I was too fearful to even try to make it flow -- I didn't want any more strange or disturbing experiences like the ones I refered to as kundalini experiences. In the past four months I've been to the emergency room @ 6 times for anxiety or feeling like I was going to pass out or other complications. I feel like if I didn't have to deal with sexual impulse right now life would be so much easier. I have not had suicidal thoughts but I have felt like there was real potential to go crazy from the physical pressure and lack of sleep. And I could never really relate to people who felt suicidal, but I now understand how/why people can feel that way. I have given serious consideration to castration. My thinking is, if it comes down to sanity or testicles, the testicles go. I seem to cycle, and I recently found a supplement that may help through the difficult times, but it's still too early to tell if it will work consistently.
I am trying to proceed cautiously and carefully. Finding the right support has been really challenging. I am thankful for the support I have. My intentions at this time are to reduce the anxiety (the supplement is helping these past couple of days) and release the sexual energy when needed. I have no intention at this time to circulate the energy. I either physically release it or try to ground it. I am working hard on reducing the sexual thoughts. It's amazing how the day can be going great and then one little (sexual) thought brings tension to the rest of the day.
If you know of safe ways to release the energy I would love to hear your suggestions. I have tried putting them in cold water (which helps if the energy has not already moved upward, which is usually the case), putting the attention on the ming-men point (good on occasion maybe, but not multiple times a day or night), and the grounding technique (taught to me by a tantrika) which seems the best so far for me. This can be difficult, too, though. I would just physically release it each time but it would be multiple times a day. I realize the anxiety is an underlying culprit here and I will continue to target that.
I read Mika's thread "Scared of Tantra." My heart goes out to him. It can be hell. Torment. My situation hasn't been as challenging so far. I am continuing to reach out for support.
I haven't been meditating regularly since all this started. It can increase the anxiety, as can exercise and yoga. These are great things, I know, but when you are managing day by day and hour by hour sometimes, you can't afford to add to the stress.
I will appreciate your positive energy, your thoughts, your prayers, and your suggestions.
Blessings to all,
Kala |
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Jun 29 2016 : 1:57:31 PM
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Hi Kala,
I'm an older female. I don't completely understand your situation( I'm not familiar with some of the terminology). I have had some fear with energy awakening.
My advice is not to try to get rid of energy experiences just favor a bit of balance. There are some simple things you can do to move towards balance. If you look to the left of this post, you will find a post about kundalini assistance. The recommendations are very simple, but they can help you.
It's okay to have the thoughts you are having, but you don't want to castrate yourself. If the supplement doesn't work, it's okay to take medication. We don't want to harm ourselves. Yoga is simple, nothing extreme. |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Jun 29 2016 : 2:25:31 PM
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Hi Kala,
Welcome to these forums. Sorry to hear about your difficulties. I've read in another post of you, you have long studied yoga, meditation and Ayurvedic. So you know exactly what is happening here... Now that you experience it might be different then you expected when you read about it. What is best for you at this moment is grounding and develop a steady meditation practice which will help you to develop inner silence. What is not helping you is stimulation, tantra and release. The only one who can help you is you. Sorry for the harsh words but the energy is yours and yours alone, you will have to surrender to it and practice. This might be scary but from own experience I can tell you also this will pass , it will be a divine journey if you allow it to be.
If you feel that chanting helps you, use it, this can help to develop divine love  instead of sexual thoughts. It will help you to open the heartchakra.
Furthermore lesson 69 can tell you everything about kundalini imbalance, and AYP plus can give you much more information about tantra and developing inner silence. Inner silence and grounding is for now your focus point.To be in company of others, be in service and socializing is also grounding. Kala you are not the victim, you are energy which is out of balance and you need to taking care for yourself.
Wishing you the best on your bumpy ride 
edit:  I am not anti-pills, if they help you take them. Sorry if I sounded that way in my reply, |
Edited by - Charliedog on Jun 29 2016 4:36:25 PM |
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Jun 29 2016 : 2:51:50 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Charliedog
Hi Kala,
Welcome to these forums. Sorry to hear about your difficulties. I've read in another post of you, you have long studied yoga, meditation and Ayurvedic. So you know exactly what is happening here... Now that you experience it might be different then you expected when you read about it. What is best for you at this moment is grounding and develop a steady meditation practice which will help you to develop inner silence. What is not helping you is stimulation tantra and release. Also pills will not help you in this. The only one who can help you is you. Sorry for the harsh words but the energy is yours and yours alone, you will have to surrender. If chanting helps you, use it, this will help you to develop divine love instead of sexual thoughts.
Furthermore lesson 69 can tell you everything about kundalini imbalance, and AYP plus can give you much more information about tantra and developing inner silence. Inner silence and grounding is for now your focus point. Kala you are not the victim, you are energy which is out of balance and you need to taking care for yourself.
Wishing you the best on your bumpy ride
Hi Charlie girl,
I know that you've gone beyond where I am at and are a teacher. I still disagree.. If someone has been to the ER with anxiety multiple times and is considering castration, I think it's okay to go to the doctor and take medication. Am I pro- meds? Not at all. But if it can help a bit, that's okay. |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Jun 29 2016 : 3:18:42 PM
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Hi lalow,
I am sorry if I sound as anti- meds. That is not the case. Everyone has to go to a doctor if one thinks it will helps him or her.  |
Edited by - Charliedog on Jun 29 2016 3:32:27 PM |
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Jun 29 2016 : 3:46:33 PM
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| I have my own stuff. If someone even mentions the word suicide, I think it's fine to take whatever meds. I've had that in my family. I take it very seriously. You do what you have to do. If it's meds, you do it. No self harm, of any kind. We are moving towards balance. Just simple things, easily overlooked, but that can help. |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Jun 29 2016 : 4:00:55 PM
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Agree Lalow, it is all about simple things, love, nature, company, good food, be happy with the things we do, and share here what helped us on this journey....Love to you Lalow  |
Edited by - Charliedog on Jun 29 2016 4:04:23 PM |
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Kala
USA
47 Posts |
Posted - Jun 30 2016 : 08:09:30 AM
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Thank you Charliedog and lalow33 for your replies. I am only using herbal and vitamin/mineral supplements at this time, just to be clear. Also, when I talk about castration, I'm not thinking of doing that myself. I would go to a doctor for that.
Charliedog, you're right, in my study and practice of meditation and yoga I had heard about kundalini but never focused on it or gave it much attention.
I'm doing all I can now to be "normal" and grounded. I'm staying active during the days and focusing mainly on physical tasks and work. I'm spending most of my time with family. If I meditate it's a walking meditation or at least an open-eyes meditation with attention on my body. I don't do these for very long periods. Other than that I ask for peace randomly throughout the day. About a week ago I did 5-10 minutes of exercise for my core and lower body (a few squats and lunges and leg raises). That was enough to trigger the next phase of losing sleep and feeling over-stimulated.
Charliedog, you wrote "What is not helping you is stimulation, tantra and release." I agree and I don't want any of these right now. I am definitely not trying to practice tantra. What do I do though when I feel the need for release? The sexual thoughts and impulses are what trigger and/or exacerbate the strong imbalances (I understand it may be more complicated than that but when the sexual thoughts arise, great discomfort occurs and can last for the rest of the day). It is really physically uncomfortable.
Kala
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Jun 30 2016 : 08:10:11 AM
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Kala, the first post in 'Kundalini issues not related to AYP practices.....' can give you also more insights in grounding, especially the reply's of Christi, he explains very clear.
Best wishes |
Edited by - Charliedog on Jun 30 2016 08:42:57 AM |
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sunyata
USA
1507 Posts |
Posted - Jun 30 2016 : 09:01:25 AM
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Hi Kala,
You have already received great advice from Lalow and Charliedog. I went through a spontaneous awakening six years ago. I understand what you are going through.
You seem to be handling it very well with the knowledge you already have. Please do not take any extreme steps/decision. You need to ground yourself.
I am a devotional person by nature so my devotion sky rocketed during this period.
Regarding sexual thoughts, in AYP we transform our emotional energy by giving it to our Isthas. Please read lesson 340
http://www.aypsite.org/340.html
Chanting helped me during this period. The surges were bearable when my mind was chanting. Like Charliedog said chanting opens and flowers our heart. It may help in bringing the energy from the lower chakras to the higher chakras.
If chanting is adding to the imbalance, then I would suggest self pacing.
Here is the lesson on kundalini imbalances.
http://www.aypsite.org/69.html
Walks, epsom salt baths, spending time with family and friends, heavy food, swimming, walking barefoot are all grounding.
Sunyata
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Edited by - sunyata on Jun 30 2016 09:05:15 AM |
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Kala
USA
47 Posts |
Posted - Jun 30 2016 : 09:47:49 AM
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Charliedog,
Thank you for the reference. I am doing exactly those things. |
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Kala
USA
47 Posts |
Posted - Jun 30 2016 : 1:12:03 PM
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Sunyata,
Thanks for your reply,
I actually tried this (offering the thoughts to God... the way Yogani talks about handling negative emotions) and it worked very well. However, it does draw the energy up to the head. I need more grounding, I think. With all this fear and anxiety I'm dealing with, I need to feel less stimulated. If there's a way to do that and feel very grounded afterward, then that's my technique.
I am actually fearful of going to much toward the upper energy centers. I don't want to go into a kind of superconscious state where my body lies catatonic. I need to feel clear headed and fully engaged with my senses. That's my goal right now, anyway. Yogani even talked about actually manifesting the divine through this technique. That is very scary to me right now. I'm hoping this fear will fade sooner than later. I know it's a real obstacle.
I will appreciate your feedback.
Kala
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sunyata
USA
1507 Posts |
Posted - Jun 30 2016 : 2:35:58 PM
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Hi Kala,
You'll have to experiment and see what's going to help you. For now, stop all spiritual practices and focus on grounding techniques that are in the lessons and
others and I have mentioned.
Don't think of fear as an obstacle. Just think of it as purging all that you were holding out of your system and making room for the divine to flow through you.
Having knowledge about these things can be a double edge sword. You are fearful because of the things that you have read which may happen or may not happen to you.
I had to completely surrender because there was no choice and no knowledge.
Just try grounding for few days and see how you feel. Don't worry, everything will be okay. An opportunity to live a fuller life is waiting for you behind the fear that you are experiencing right now.
P.S- I surrendered with my faith in my Isthas. The power that makes this universe exist in harmony. I knew they would help me get through come what may and they did and still do. Invoking this aspect in you may help, which I think you already do from the chanting you mentioned.
There is no greater love than divine love, no greater joy than divine joy. Even ecstasy is flavorless. Here is Krishna Das- see if it helps with calming the fear.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wA343RcW3uM
Sunyata
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Edited by - sunyata on Jun 30 2016 3:32:19 PM |
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Kala
USA
47 Posts |
Posted - Jun 30 2016 : 4:57:53 PM
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Sunyata and Charliedog,
So many thoughts cross my mind. There is so much to say that I would appreciate feedback on. I will just have to share piece by piece I guess.
One concern I have is that I may not be ABLE to ejaculate when needed. I have come close to this experience before (Actually, it happened once as I recall). After practicing the tantra techniques, things have changed. With focusing on grounding I don't think this would be as much of an issue. If I could do the devotional practice for the sexual energy and then be able to ground afterward, then I think that would really help with reducing the frequency of release. I say this because grounding has been difficult for me.
Would you recommend going to some place like an ashram? I wish I had a guru at this time in my life. I'm on the east coast. Does anyone know of a 'safe' place to do karma yoga as I'm going through this process?
Blessings,
Kala |
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sunyata
USA
1507 Posts |
Posted - Jun 30 2016 : 7:14:16 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Kala
Sunyata and Charliedog,
One concern I have is that I may not be ABLE to ejaculate when needed. I have come close to this experience before (Actually, it happened once as I recall). After practicing the tantra techniques, things have changed. With focusing on grounding I don't think this would be as much of an issue. If I could do the devotional practice for the sexual energy and then be able to ground afterward, then I think that would really help with reducing the frequency of release.
I'm a female so not much help with the ejaculation question. May be the gentlemen in this forums will chime in or you could do a search in the tantra forums. From a female perspective,once the energy starts traveling upwards, that's the way it flows . Remember to self pace if the devotional practice makes things worse. You have to gauge it's effect. Everyone is different.
quote:
I say this because grounding has been difficult for me.
May I ask what is making it difficult?
quote:
Would you recommend going to some place like an ashram? I wish I had a guru at this time in my life. I'm on the east coast. Does anyone know of a 'safe' place to do karma yoga as I'm going through this process?
I remember going through the same phase of wanting to go to an Ashram. Ashram is right where you live. Karma yoga is serving people around you.
You have come to the right place. All the answers that a guru may or may not be able to answers is in the forums. All you need to do is type your questions in the search button. There is over a decade worth of information here.
Few more questions- Do you have a family? work?
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dv2014
USA
93 Posts |
Posted - Jun 30 2016 : 8:04:50 PM
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Kala,
Where are you in the east coast. Amma, the hugging saint is visiting DC area next week. I recently read an online writeup where a person was relieved of Kundalini syndromes by Amma.
the words east coast and ashram in your post sort of triggered this response.
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Dogboy
USA
2201 Posts |
Posted - Jun 30 2016 : 8:06:38 PM
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Hi Kala
Sorry for your troubles. As you are highly energetic, as others have counseled, there needs to be an outward expression of energy through grounding and service. I, too, am curious why grounding is "difficult" as there are a plethora of ways to ground energy. Service to others, and "devoting" excess energy in the act of service will certainly ease your burden, as it takes your mind off all the internal upheaval. Offering energy up devotionly to an ishta helps some, but as this is a spiritual practice it can also stimulate Bhakti in some, perhaps contributing to further discomfort. It is the same for sexual release; ejaculating loses energy for many, but if you system is automatically channeling energy upward, loss will be minimal and arousing yourself to get "there" can make you more uncomfortable.
Ground and serve are your best immediate avenues. By getting out of your home and interacting with humanity can also help from dwelling too much on your troubles within.
Sunyata is right: ashrams are not needed. Make an intention to express energy outwardly, with love and gratitude in your heart. As Charliedog points out, that energy is you. Make friends with it, talk to it, bargain with it, ask it for guidance and be open for any answers that may bubble up. |
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Kala
USA
47 Posts |
Posted - Jul 01 2016 : 12:04:02 AM
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Thanks for your comments and questions.
I spent the whole day working, staying busy, some indoors but alot of time outdoors cutting grass. This has been my routine for awhile. The difference now is that I am realizing that I am saying some prayers while moving through the day. Whenever I would become aware of this today I would stop and just make it very brief if at all. Around 6:30pm I stopped, and needing a break but not wanting to just close my eyes for a moment and relax, I picked up my guitar and went on the back porch to play some, which is usually calming for me. It didn't take long... there was the sexual thought and within a few seconds there was the very uncomfortable feeling and pressure that would not let me sit still.
Why is grounding difficult for me? That's a good question. Maybe just my nature/constitution. I eat well and plenty, I do my best to stay busy and I'm doing more physical labor, before all this started I exercised regularly and got outdoors whenever I could. I have had a major life change in the past few months (closing a business) but I've always been rather excitable. I was burnt out with my work... I did adult foster care in my home. I was ready for that change. It happened quicker than I planned because of all this internal stuff but I knew it was time to close the business.
So because of all the sexual energy that arose after a long busy day, here I am at almost midnight (I'm usually asleep by 10:30 or 11p lately) still feeling it in my body. The first wave came and went and I felt very good, eventually, after it left. Now there is second wave. I will try to relax and sleep even with the pressure and discomfort.
Peace and blessings,
Kala |
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Kala
USA
47 Posts |
Posted - Jul 01 2016 : 12:23:58 AM
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I thought of going to an ashram for support, where others might have understanding of what I'm going through. My family and friends have no idea what I'm going through. Not a clue. With my fear and anxiety it would be nice to be surrounded by people who understand and with whom I could at least process some of the experiences with. It's great to have feedback and support here, and I am very thankful for all of you. It would also be great to be with a group of folks with some experience or at least some understanding of what's happening.
Peace
Kala |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Jul 01 2016 : 03:45:43 AM
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Others can listen and advise, but we have to experience and go through all by ourselves and find out what helps us isn't it?
There is no place where you can go and find so much information and personal stories as here on AYP, you are lucky that you find this info already at this point.
Having said that, it makes it not easy to read all this and interpret it, because the experience might be not as you expected.
And another fact is that only by reading this your energy will be triggered. So take this slow....AYP can be quite addictive
Self-pace and grounding, and as you described relax with the pressure and discomfort.
English is not so easy for me as I would like this to be, but what I would like to say to you is that this journey is life changing, as you already noticed in the last months. You don't have to do very much, it is happening if you allow it to be. You are doing that, as I read in your last posts.
It all becomes more stable in time with practice, patience, and surrender to divine love. |
Edited by - Charliedog on Jul 01 2016 04:22:34 AM |
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sunyata
USA
1507 Posts |
Posted - Jul 01 2016 : 08:51:37 AM
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Hi Kala,
You are going through life changes- professional and Kundalini. There will be some discomfort. Good to know you are grounding yourself. It will take
sometime for the energy to settle down. Continue grounding, playing your guitar- whatever takes your focus out of the energy. Wherever we go,
we take ourself/our energy with us. Even if you go to an ashram, you will have to get through this yourself.
The change in sleep pattern is normal. I go through this myself from time to time. We just get used to a new way of living. Change can seem difficult in the beginning,
but it's for the good. You are in the process of evolution- it's very exciting! Think of it this way. In the end it's your decision. I consider AYP- my online Ashram.
Sunyata |
Edited by - sunyata on Jul 01 2016 08:52:34 AM |
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Dogboy
USA
2201 Posts |
Posted - Jul 01 2016 : 11:08:26 AM
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quote:
Why is grounding difficult for me? That's a good question. Maybe just my nature/constitution. I eat well and plenty, I do my best to stay busy and I'm doing more physical labor, before all this started I exercised regularly and got outdoors whenever I could. I have had a major life change in the past few months (closing a business) but I've always been rather excitable. I was burnt out with my work... I did adult foster care in my home. I was ready for that change. It happened quicker than I planned because of all this internal stuff but I knew it was time to close the business.
So because of all the sexual energy that arose after a long busy day, here I am at almost midnight (I'm usually asleep by 10:30 or 11p lately) still feeling it in my body. The first wave came and went and I felt very good, eventually, after it left. Now there is second wave. I will try to relax and sleep even with the pressure and discomfort.
Sexual energy is hot (yang), it may be worth it to balance with cool (yin), for instance cool showers or baths, eating ice cubes, Popsicles, watermelon, perhaps cold compresses on places in the body that feel hot to you. I too live on the east coast in a seaside community; there is nothing more grounding than a quick dunk in the Atlantic Ocean.
You also can try Cooling Breath: curl your tongue into a tube and slowly inhale. This provides a cool sensation aimed directly into your skull. Exhale energy and heat through your nose. This is a non-AYP pranayama technique I use in asana class sometimes when energy is high.
How effective any grounding can be relies on how open you are to believing it will work for you. It may be Placebo Effect, but who can argue with results? |
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smudgefish
United Kingdom
4 Posts |
Posted - Jul 17 2016 : 02:02:02 AM
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Hi Kala,
I'm a bit late coming to this thread (I have only just registered).
Your experience sounds very much like mine, I had a Kundalini Syndrome much like yours last year, and like you it co-incided with a life change in the way of change in career and a realisation that I was killing myself through overwork. I well remember the very frightening surges of energy together with some intense spiritual feelings of oneness and other spiritual awarenesses. I had moments of feeling like I was going mad and was almost manic. The Syndrome was followed by some intense 'Dark Nights' and opening of chakras. Mine started after a very intense whole body orgasm. I had no experience or knowledge of spiritual practice before this and am now very much on the spiritual path and continue to learn.
At the time I was helped with advice on the Aneros forum as a Kundalini Syndrome seems to be a common effect of overstimulating the root chakra (as I did). I quickly learnt about grounding, avoiding sexual stimulation which worsens the symptoms, and dissipating the energy and my KS lasted about 2 weeks. I have since been following a spiritual path and have just found this site and Yogani's teachings which are accelerating my meditation practice.
I am very happy to have had my Kundalini Syndrome it has opened my eyes and led my life down a totally new direction.
Tim. |
Edited by - smudgefish on Jul 17 2016 04:37:27 AM |
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Kala
USA
47 Posts |
Posted - Jul 22 2016 : 7:54:47 PM
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Wow, Thanks Tim.
I do just about everything everyone advises for grounding (or maybe all of it). I eat well and regularly, I walk alot, I stay busy with mundane things, I'm spending more time with family and friends and getting out more, I don't spend much time at all studying or thinking about spirituality, and I havent had sex in a long time and I try to minimize sexual thoughts and stimulation. I have been doing a little better but it is still very uncomfortable sometimes. Can you refer me to the specific teachings you're talking about? So what do you do now with the sexual energy?? Thanks again for posting.
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Kala
USA
47 Posts |
Posted - Jul 22 2016 : 8:23:11 PM
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| Also, the kundalini is stuck in my lingam. |
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Kala
USA
47 Posts |
Posted - Jul 22 2016 : 9:12:21 PM
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| If anybody else knows this specific teachings that Tim is referring to I would greatly appreciate a link. And if anyone has any practical advice on how to relieve some of this stress relatively quickly and get sleep tonight, that would be great, too. |
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Serious trouble with 'Tantra'
