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JR8036
USA
281 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 11 2016 : 1:08:28 PM
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At first I wast not going to say anything but I think I will now because there is a thought I had this morning that concerns me.
Before I get to that thought my dreams had me going back to my old self again. Back to drinking and smoking. But, to this day I am still 100% sober.
The thing that has me bothered the most is right after I woke up before I opened my eyes but, I knew I was concious I had the thought of, I had no idea who I was where I was or even what day it was. For a while I had trouble trying to think of what I was doing today. That is the thought that bothered me the most. It might have lasted only a couple seconds before everything came back to me but I was never so scared in my life because of that. It was like I lost control over my brain for a couple seconds probably. |
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JR8036
USA
281 Posts |
Posted - Sep 12 2016 : 07:12:14 AM
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One more thing I would like to add is I have seen ppl post about it here and don't know why but I thought that it would not happen to me of course. But, it slowly is. Ringing in the ears during the day it's not so bad but before bed and right after I wake up is the most annoying. Is this something I will have to deal with for a long time?
As time goes by I find it almost amazing that things are slowly changing me. Things that I thought would not happen are happening. Like there are days that I have almost no symptoms at all and keep thinking I really want to go back to what I was before. And at the same time I want it to happen just so it will be over. |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Sep 12 2016 : 09:40:58 AM
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Hi JR,
quote:
The thing that has me bothered the most is right after I woke up before I opened my eyes but, I knew I was concious I had the thought of, I had no idea who I was where I was or even what day it was. For a while I had trouble trying to think of what I was doing today. That is the thought that bothered me the most. It might have lasted only a couple seconds before everything came back to me but I was never so scared in my life because of that. It was like I lost control over my brain for a couple seconds probably.
Good things are happening, no worries. You woke up before the stream of thoughts came in and you observed this moment.There was some time of silence. Not used to it, maybe you where a bit concerned, and made up the annoying thought. When we meditate we will find the gap between the thoughts.We become aware of inner silence or stillness. Meditation is the process of systematically allowing the mind to become still for specific periods of time each day.
Best wishes,
enjoy practice  |
Edited by - Charliedog on Sep 12 2016 10:23:59 AM |
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jean
Germany
107 Posts |
Posted - Sep 12 2016 : 4:53:01 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by JR8036
One more thing I would like to add is I have seen ppl post about it here and don't know why but I thought that it would not happen to me of course. But, it slowly is. Ringing in the ears during the day it's not so bad but before bed and right after I wake up is the most annoying. Is this something I will have to deal with for a long time?
My experience is that the sound changes over time. Usually it sounds like a high pitched ringing. But sometimes it sounds like musical instruments like harps and so on. I think the Buddhists call it "Sound of Silence": https://medium.com/sant-mat-meditat...0#.bz0r0dfn8
It's a good sign  |
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JR8036
USA
281 Posts |
Posted - Sep 12 2016 : 5:00:22 PM
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Thanks Charlie,
I thought I knew what inner silence was, but I definitely know what it is now. It's good to know that was all normal. Even told myself atleast 5 times last night that I will not loose my mind to make myself comfortable. Because, that was what it felt like yesterday morning that I was loosing my mind.
Now when ppl ask me what I'm thinking I can definitely tell them nothing because it is literally the truth!!! Lol |
Edited by - JR8036 on Sep 12 2016 5:05:33 PM |
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JR8036
USA
281 Posts |
Posted - Sep 12 2016 : 5:18:34 PM
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Thanks Jean,
It's not really that annoying or high pitched yet but it is definitely there especially when you think about it it gets louder and even more annoying. |
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JR8036
USA
281 Posts |
Posted - Sep 12 2016 : 9:33:27 PM
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| The reason I thought I knew what inner silence was was because there was a day last week it was about mid morning before I even had my first thought but it wasn't really scary though like this recent experience was |
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Dogboy
USA
2198 Posts |
Posted - Sep 13 2016 : 06:15:04 AM
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| You are a work in progress |
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JR8036
USA
281 Posts |
Posted - Sep 13 2016 : 07:26:23 AM
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| Lol I knew that before this all happened :-p |
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JR8036
USA
281 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2016 : 07:48:31 AM
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| One thing I have been thinking of. I feal fine right now but a couple days ago was not the same story. I did t feal the greatest I had headaches. And I just don't know how to tell them if I need to. My boss is my parents and I am sure that they don't believe in what we are doing. Guess I could tell them I am sick and in a way it would be true which is an answer I need to find because I was never good at lying but, the idea of having to lie does not sit well with me no matter who it is. It almost hurts me to have to lie any more. Even though I didn't anyway. |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2016 : 09:53:44 AM
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Everyone has ups and downs JR.
Not speaking out the spiritual journey is not lying either. You will feel to whom you can express your deepest feelings, it will become a bit easier after some time to find words for how you feel.
Journaling might help you at this moment. You will learn to know yourself, the pen can be your guru.
Best wishes, |
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JR8036
USA
281 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2016 : 5:45:55 PM
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Ok thanks, confirms that I probably should not say anything unless something happens I cannot stop.
It would be hard to explain when my body says one thing but there beliefs say something totally against it.
For some reason I think I will get into big time trouble with them if i mention what is happening to me. Let alone mention the word k to them |
Edited by - JR8036 on Sep 28 2016 5:51:49 PM |
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JR8036
USA
281 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2016 : 10:05:03 PM
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| Ok..several of you have mentioned to me to journal. That is one thing that I have never done. So maybe I will give it a shot and see what happens. I do have some idea of what to do but, how should I go about it? |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2016 : 11:57:05 PM
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Put the pen to the paper. Put the fingers to the keyboard. Let the words flow. And breathe into it. Breathe into the letters and cadence and punctuation. Let it be an exercise of stillness in action.
You're already writing very well on the forum, so it is coming naturally to you. This is the inner guru emerging and guiding your movements. This is the bliss bubbling up. This is the joy saturating your nervous system. This is the inner silence merging into communication. This is simple, true, strong, wise.
Enjoy. |
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JR8036
USA
281 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2016 : 08:41:16 AM
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| Like u said bodhi I do like writing and the interaction with you guys. Plus somehow I am getting the feelings of good energy coming from here witch is another reason why I keep coming back. |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2016 : 09:25:24 AM
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| This way you can let go what is hidden inside, no thinking just writing. And then be surprised by what you read afterwards. For your eyes only. |
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sunyata
USA
1507 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2016 : 09:27:51 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Charliedog
This way you can let go what is hidden inside, no thinking just writing. And then be surprised by what you read afterwards. For your eyes only.
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JR8036
USA
281 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2016 : 09:55:24 AM
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| I am already amazed at what has happened. From the feelings of fear and wanting it to go away now to the feelings of happiness and wanting it to actually happen and not being able to wait for it to happen. |
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Charliedog
1625 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2016 : 12:59:10 PM
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JR8036
USA
281 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2016 : 8:17:42 PM
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I have been looking and I have not found much on this I'm sure I should let it go also but, over the past week k has really started to stir during meditation. Once or twice so far she has even started to rise.
This is the first week I could feel k during meditation. |
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sunyata
USA
1507 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2016 : 9:38:08 PM
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| That's great JR. As long as you are not experiencing discomfort, carry on with your practice. You will experience her beauty- it's out of this world. |
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JR8036
USA
281 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2016 : 9:57:48 PM
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| There was one time her energy was really sharp. It almost hurt but, I have not felt it that sharp since that sit fortunately. Ever since this has started never made me so eager to sit for some reason. |
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sunyata
USA
1507 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2016 : 10:06:17 PM
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| Great! Sharpness here and there is normal. Just preparing the body mind for waves of bliss. Relax and she will take you to the Heavens |
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JR8036
USA
281 Posts |
Posted - Sep 30 2016 : 07:30:27 AM
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| It is amazing how comfortable I feel during meditation when I feel k stir really strong. Especially when she starts to move and I don't feel the first move. |
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jean
Germany
107 Posts |
Posted - Oct 01 2016 : 08:41:59 AM
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Oh yes, she will show you the universe and beyond
quote:
Originally posted by sunyata
Great! Sharpness here and there is normal. Just preparing the body mind for waves of bliss. Relax and she will take you to the Heavens
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is this kundalini? what do i do now?
