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radarsh17
Bahamas
13 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 11 2015 : 12:38:54 PM
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Hey all, I am new to this forum and in fact to any formal spiritual practice.
Until about six months back, most of my spiritual encounters came in the form of occasional “trips” with hallucinogens at least once every month. I have also been a regular user of cannabis. Despite the fact that the use of these substances left me deeply changed for good, I never associated the effects with spiritual transformation or any such thing.
When I took 2 tabs of LSD this January there were no visual distortions generally associated with a psychedelic trip. It was not as if I had built up a tolerance. It had been more than a month since I took LSD. I spent the entire day wondering when it would kick in, but it never did. No perceptual changes, no crawling geometrical patterns on objects, no overwhelming insights, nothing at all. Meanwhile some of my friends who popped the tabs along with me were tripping balls.
If this wasn't weird enough for me, three days after this incident when I returned to my room back from college suddenly from out of nowhere this pulsating sensation comes running through my body. I am sitting on my bed with my back upright and I am dead sure that if I move even a little this way or that this thing throbbing inside me would just pop out through the back of my head and kill me. So I sit in the same position like an idiot for I don't know how long until my roommate comes into the room, and suddenly the sensation is gone.
The first thing that comes to my mind is that maybe the acid somehow got stuck in my system or something and is coming up in installments. I spent at least five hours on the web trying to see if something like this was possible. The web seemed to have no clue.
During the next three months, I would have bursts of piercing sensation coursing through my spine from the base up to the top of the head every single day. Plus tremendous headaches and a constant pressure in between the eyebrows. There was also this recurrent dream which had me going into a cave with some sort of a deity in it, which, as soon as I reached out to touch it, would transmogrify into a snake that looked like it was made of dirt. At this point I always wake up. But if by some chance I manage to stay with the dream for a little while more, this dirt snake would come closer to me and reveal itself to be a snake made of some glittering gray material and sting me in back of my neck. I was getting the exact same dream for at least three months.
This stuff scared the sh*t out of me so I went ahead and told my mother that I needed to see a doctor and she being a hindu and all was convinced that it was kundalini. I have never really been religious, so I visited the psychiatrist anyway and start consuming some anti-psychotics.
The medicines only seemed to worsen my condition. About two weeks after I started medication, I get the feeling that it might be kundalini after all. I get wild convulsions throughout the day, and the energy rushes are now beyond my control. Every time I so much as leave my house and take a walk or ride my bike, my perception would get really screwed. Not like a drug trip, too much worse than that I suppose. I wouldn't know who or what the hell I am for a while. Like this Philip. K. Dick novel, 'Flow My Tears The Policeman Said', where the protagonist wakes up one day to not be recognized by anyone in the world. Only in my case its me who doesn't recognize anything in the world including myself. Like I was born into the world just that moment. But of course I would only be able to elucidate all that after my perception got back to normal, which generally used to take anywhere between 5 minutes to 20 minutes from the onset. Throughout the entire time when I had these problems, no medicine would mellow me down.
Almost three months past, and still with no resolution to any of the problems, the snake that visits me in the dreams quite literally appears right in front of me as I am sitting on the couch. I panic the hell out and the energy rushes and convulsions are as intense as they never were. The snake figure keeps coming towards me looming larger as it did and my entire vision altered. I was able to see microscopically into my surroundings. It was as if I was floating in a world of microbes and bacteria with this snake composed of glittering gray matter coming closer and closer towards me. Suddenly something strikes me that comes as a physical, biological shock, that this snake that I am so afraid of is no one but me. I look at myself to see if this is true and see that I have the body of this huge ass snake and there is no one in the room except this snake. And the snake is me! This for some reason overwhelms me and in a second the whole environment dissolves into a world composed of fluid matter made of colour. I feel really at peace and the colours somehow merge or vanish into the brightest of white light accompanied with such a blaring sound that it could well have been no sound at all.
I wake up to “reality” after what my parents tell me is 10 minutes. They tell me they saw nothing out of usual and that I had one of my usual convulsions, that there was nothing odd about my behaivor throughout the entire time. I wasn't able to wrap my mind around what I was hearing. But then I felt so incredibly relieved for some reason that I didn't rack my brains about it as I normally would have. I was so at peace for about a week that my parents were almost worried that finally something had really gotten into me, that I'd become a bona fide nutcase.
And that was it. The convulsions along with the energy rushes and the snake dreams stopped after a week. It has been more than a month without any of that now. Although, my dreams are now a hundred times more vivid and there is always an intense pressure in the middle of my eyebrows. Not a day passes without moments of euphoria/depression, as enormous as the come-down from an intense psychedelic trip. I am pretty sure that what I went through was a kundalini syndrome of some kind. But does the kundalini movement stop just like that, after having shown itself to me in such a dramatic fashion? Is this known to be common? Or is there something I could do to get the kundalini moving in my spine again? I did try the Isha Kriya meditation for a little while in the last month but the middle of my eyebrows get unbearably painful and turns red with a little bit of the skin getting peeled off every time I sit.
P.S.: I told my doctor the entire story and he says it's all because of my cannabis use! Balls! No one that I know who uses cannabis gets their entire perceptual/biological/psychological functions altered like mad! Plus, I did not use any substance of any sort during the entire three months. Its been more than 6 months since I touched anything psychoactive....
Sorry for the long post!
Thanks in advance for the replies  |
Edited by - radarsh17 on Jun 12 2015 03:19:42 AM |
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Dogboy
USA
2201 Posts |
Posted - Jun 11 2015 : 1:34:11 PM
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Hello Radarsh17, welcome to the forum.
This is indeed kundalini. The main lessons here at AYP are intended to develop the Witness (Inner Silence) and over time awaken kundalini in a gentle manner so together, the silence and energy will open up your neurobiology allowing you to "commune" with the Divine, whatever the Divine means to you. The fruits of this practice spill forth in your everyday interactions, relationships, and responsibilities, and contribute to our greater good as a species.
The hallucinogens have jump started your kundalini, but without balancing it with Inner Silence or using Spinal Breathing to smoothen the ride, you are seriously out of balance. Your kundalini is currently dormant, but can you count on it to remain so? You need to prepare for the possibility of its return that may send you into a deeper crisis; you need do develop your Inner Silence with a meditation practice.
I am biased toward AYP (surprise!) and recommend you starting here: http://www.aypsite.org/10.html. It is a gentle and easy process to adapt to a busy lifestyle. Take it slow, and built your DM practice gradually, for as simple as these techniques seem, they also can be very potent. DM and SB pranayama will give you the tools to interact with any future episodes, and of course you always have this forum for help and support.
Wishing you  and good will.
Edit: wording |
Edited by - Dogboy on Jun 11 2015 1:37:43 PM |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Jun 11 2015 : 4:40:11 PM
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Stay the course. Cannabis and psychedelics will only complicate the awakening. Less is more. Use self-pacing. The tools of AYP (beginning with Deep Meditation) will establish a solid foundation for you, as Dogboy clearly explained.
Your scenery is vivid, and that is fine, but recognize that it is only scenery occurring across a boundless field of stillness, which is what we fundamentally are. My story might interest you, since there is plenty of scenery in it (and psychedelics too). ;-) http://ayprecovery.org/home/real-st...codys-story/
Love. Unity. Wisdom. |
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radarsh17
Bahamas
13 Posts |
Posted - Jun 12 2015 : 02:06:05 AM
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| Thanks, I'll look into the lessons |
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Difficult experience with kundalini syndrome....
