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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 09 2014 : 10:20:45 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by Dogboy
quote:
I see writing as Productive Thought and typical mind-wandering rumination throughout the day as "Junk Food" Thought — I get a small jolt of energy, dopamine or whatever, but no real mentally nutritional value. Writing is the opposite, the slow burn of dense proteins and healthy fats, slowly unwound into the building blocks of a healthy mind.
As a writer I definately agree, praise Allah for cut, copy, and paste! 
As a visual artist, we embrace the Control-Z — although at times I wonder if the endless Undo availability hampers the skill to make decisions. Still, I'm not giving it up just yet! :) |
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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2014 : 10:22:56 AM
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Yoga Recap 2014-11-09
Good week of sits. Reaching some very dynamic energetic states, coupled mostly with deep stillness and focus. Mula bandha and sambhavi mudra are both continuing to refine, becoming stronger and more focused with less effort. The body now seems eager to go to these relaxed states once the process is in motion. Solar centering does seem to have an effect on the inner energy cultivation.
One insight I've had regarding sits (and other habits in general) is how often I'm not so motivated to sit, but once I do I find myself quickly getting into the mood, and then I do not want to stop! It made me realize that the mind is an inertia machine — it prefers to keep doing whatever it is it is currently doing. Helpful or detrimental, it doesn't seem to care or recognize the difference. The mind just prefers to keep doing what it is doing right now. The insight here is to just commit to getting started, and putting 5 minutes/reps/sentences/notes/brushstrokes/etc into action.
You don't need much time to shift the mind over to the next thing it will get attached to, but the shift is where the struggle happens. It's as if we have this impetuous child within, as if we do not evolve our personas but rather accumulate upon an ancient core that cannot be matured, evolved, ignored or reasoned with. We just need to understand how it functions, and find ways to work with it. The real key here is that it will never "go away". We will never "get past" these struggles. Once we learn to accept and work constructively with these ground rules in mind, the easier it is to get past them.
It's easy to think to yourself "I am lazy"and explain these behaviors away. But I don't think there is any "I am" in these behaviors. I think these are artifacts of the structure of mind/brain/body. Once we realize these are impersonal, external to the self, and permanent functional "hard wired" aspects of Mind, then we can stop identifying with them and start looking for solutions to work around them.
These struggles to sit, to exercise, to create — they are not signs of personal flaws, weaknesses or limitations. They are signs that the system is working normally. A bicycle only maintains balance when in motion; this is not a flaw, but an unavoidable and intrinsic aspect of the design. There is only one solution: start pedaling.
Life between sits remains positive. I find myself in this interesting mental state these last weeks and months, where the over-active analyzer seems to be quieter and quieter. That aspect of mind used to be the main character in the inner drama. A paranoid, catastrophic-thinking radar system that believed all input needed to be analyzed for the proper next steps (which ironically often froze itself into inaction). That aspect seems quieter. Often I'm not necessarily aware of peace, but more aware of the lack of the Inner Critic. Or at least a reduction, as it still pops up.
Often when it does, it likes to regain dominance and tell me that we cannot just "go with e flow" — circumstances must be vigilantly manicured! Instead, I am slowly learning that this control is a bit illusory. Of course, we do have some control of circumstance and efforts are required. But I think it's more of a control of our actions, and not the consequences. The inner critic erroneously believes it can control consequences.
Learning about perfectionism and procrastination has been a huge help in this area. Bit of course the daily sits play a big factor as well.
On a personal note, I've been getting a good amount of artwork created lately, finding real momentum and satisfaction with the work itself and not the attention and rewards I used to be focused on (another example of controlling consequences, instead of actions). I've also discovered that oyster mushrooms are quite delicious! Not much in the way of books this week, been bingeing on past episodes of the Mysterious Universe podcast while digitally drawing. |
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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Nov 16 2014 : 10:33:51 AM
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Yoga recap 2014-11-16
Intense sits all week for the most part. Experiencing strong, distinct and focused inner energy, particularly in the evening sits which are typically preceded by my minimal asana set. There is absolutely no question that the asanas encourage these energy experiences/sensations. Even lying in corpse pose for a few minutes will cultivate this energy sensation now.
Mudras and bandhas during pranayama are becoming further and further refined — they are becoming stronger, more distinct, and require less effort than before. This has been going on for a week or more, but it continue to deepen. Energy sensations in the brow can be quite strong at times. Lots of automatic yoga movements in the head and neck.
Two unique experiences this week. First, during my asanas one day I was doing a backwards spinal stretch, and at one point I noticed a "tone" in my hearing that is not usually there (I have tinnitus, and during asanas/meditation I often hear tones but I think they are just furnace sounds I be ever paid attention to before). Anyways, after the tone began a slight and subtle sensation traveled up the spine, to the back of the head. Almost as if a slight trickle of water were poured on my back. Neither warm nor cold, and no unique experiences during or after. But very obvious and not something I've experienced to date.
The second one was a sensation during either pranayama or meditation where the inner energy was moving around within, and reached a spot in the lower back right area of my skull. It was quite strong, focused/concentrated and a bit of a dull throbbing pain. Not agonizing, but like a concentrated headache. I've had these in the past too. This one was just particularly pronounced.
These increased energetic experiences have led to or are coupled with some sits with extremely deep and profound stillness. The body in particular is definitely becoming acclimatized to all of this, and seems to just head towards stillness once I get the sit going. Often this begins during asanas. Particularly during kneeling seat, where I can also begin to experience quite strong inner energy sensations.
The stilling body then seems to lead the mind into stillness. Not always, but more and more than in the past. I still get monkey mind and wandering mind, but less and less.
I've noticed a bit more impatience and irritability in myself this week, but also a lot of spontaneous joy and laughter at and about the mundane — including myself and my behaviors. I've noticed increased focus on my work and my art, my creativity. Less obsession with the external world and trying to extract approval and attention from it. It's as if I am more focused on contributing to the outside world than taking from it.
It seems my Inner Scientist/Logician has been on vacation or at least satisfied with my direct experiences as of late. Less speculation and analysis as was the case last week as well. I've come to wonder if perhaps those of us more heavily weighted on the rational side of the brain have a very different experience of these practices than those living in the intuitive side. The verbal versus the emotional. I have a suspicion that part of meditation is to exist more often and [more] fully in the non-verbal, emotional side/parts of the brain.
I wonder if early life circumstances drove aspects of my self into hiding behind the armor of logic and facts. Reading up on perfectionism has revealed how these perfectionist defense systems are aspects of ourselves we are ashamed to accept or allow into the light of consciousness. Hence the concept of "integrating the psyche". I wonder if there is an aspect of self which I've secreted away in the non-verbal. I wonder if meditation unlocks that chamber. And if so, I wonder what I've put in there, and why.
On a personal note, I am heading out to visit my brother this week and can't wait to have a bunch of time to spend with my almost -three-year-old niece. Before I leave I'll be setting up an elm oyster mushroom growing kit. Seems like the perfect indoor gardening experiment for these cold months. My grow boxes outdoors this summer were a big success and quite an enjoyable experience, even if the yields left much to be desired. I discovered that the process was as rewarding as the fruits, which of course is what we are all striving for with the meditation and yoga. |
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Dogboy
USA
2192 Posts |
Posted - Nov 16 2014 : 8:22:44 PM
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quote:
I wonder if early life circumstances drove aspects of my self into hiding behind the armor of logic and facts. Reading up on perfectionism has revealed how these perfectionist defense systems are aspects of ourselves we are ashamed to accept or allow into the light of consciousness. Hence the concept of "integrating the psyche". I wonder if there is an aspect of self which I've secreted away in the non-verbal. I wonder if meditation unlocks that chamber. And if so, I wonder what I've put in there, and why.
It is a wonder, eh Yogaman? All your steadfast efforts are bearing fruit. Welcome aboard the Prana Express!
If irritability accelerates too, you may have to "dial down" a bit. |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Nov 16 2014 : 9:33:06 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Yogaman
It seems my Inner Scientist/Logician has been on vacation or at least satisfied with my direct experiences as of late. Less speculation and analysis as was the case last week as well. I've come to wonder if perhaps those of us more heavily weighted on the rational side of the brain have a very different experience of these practices than those living in the intuitive side. The verbal versus the emotional. I have a suspicion that part of meditation is to exist more often and [more] fully in the non-verbal, emotional side/parts of the brain.
Fullness. Wholeness. Completeness. 
Thank you for sharing your fine eye for detail.  |
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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Nov 30 2014 : 3:15:15 PM
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Thanks for the #thought Dogboy and Bodhi. I've been traveling and visiting family.
My recap covers some of the recent experiences. I didn't have time to post last week's recap, but it was short and rushed. I'm a creature of habit and this extended visit has thrown me off a bit.
Yoga Recap 2014-11-30
Another curious week of sits. Inner energy continues to be eager to focus, remaining strong and distinct throughout the sit. Stillness and focus during meditation remain overall very strong and deep as well.
My routine hasn't been very consistent with the traveling and the cold which came on this week. But I've maintained meditation and pranayama where possible. Asanas have been far more sporadic. A sprained ankle has played a factor there as well.
This extended visit with my brother and his family has been enlightening. While they have been very welcoming, I am realizing that I just prefer my solitude and autonomy. My journal entries from a year ago reflected this and I seemed to have not looked back over them before scheduling this trip.
I've noticed that the ego does not like change. In fact, change seems to reveal to the ego how arbitrary it really is, and a novel environment stripped of schedule, routine and habit drive this point home even further.
I've also noticed after spending time with my 3-year-old niece how closely her behavior resembles that of the raw egoic "monkey mind" — a distinct lack of time perception, abstract reasoning, subtlety, nuance. She likes to keep doing what she's currently doing, unless some new distraction supplants the current one. She likes to repeat things that are fun and familiar. She mimics behavior that engenders positive responses, she take everything literally. The emotions can overwhelm her, turning her into a completely different entity only to return to her more consistent self once those emotions subside.
There is no reasoning with her. I joke that she's like a mob boss, and everyone around is walking on eggshells to ensure her mood remains positive and her whims are met promptly and without fail.
I see so much of this emerging ego in my observations of mind that I am suspecting that we do not grow out of younger selves, but stack and best these psychic structures like Russian dolls.
My trip is thankfully ending in a few days. I didn't fully realize how much I enjoy and perhaps rely on my solitude when planning this trip to see my brother, my favorite person in the world.
In a sense, I feel as if I've not lived up to this challenge of change. Quickly I yearned to be back in my familiar patterns, habits, routines, self. I came out here with high intentions to do otherwise.
I'm looking forward to being back to my familiar, and exploring this yet deeper level of energy, focus and stillness I seem to have unlocked during my time away. |
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Dogboy
USA
2192 Posts |
Posted - Nov 30 2014 : 4:30:16 PM
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quote:
There is no reasoning with her. I joke that she's like a mob boss, and everyone around is walking on eggshells to ensure her mood remains positive and her whims are met promptly and without fail.
I see so much of this emerging ego in my observations of mind that I am suspecting that we do not grow out of younger selves, but stack and best these psychic structures like Russian dolls.
Your niece has given you this gift to take home with you! |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Dec 01 2014 : 6:16:21 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Yogaman
I've noticed that the ego does not like change. In fact, change seems to reveal to the ego how arbitrary it really is, and a novel environment stripped of schedule, routine and habit drive this point home even further.
Just a recommendation regarding ego...
Be careful about speaking of "the ego" as if it's some demonic entity that is pitted against you. It's not. The ego is your best friend. Quite a few teachers will use the gimmick of ego-as-enemy, but I have found that to be far from true. After all, isn't the inner ego voice used to utter the mantra silently and release samyama sutras? The ego is the vehicle of enlightenment, and like any other vehicle, it can be twisted, contorted, and dysfunctional, but that does not make it inherently problematic. The only problem is HOW we use it. To say: "The ego does not like change" is only a fleeting description--at best, because actually, the ego can like change very much. If the ego is anything, it's holographic, which is: reflective of Self, multi-dimensional, prismatic, and open to change. See?
Thank you for your ongoing genius. |
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Anima
484 Posts |
Posted - Dec 01 2014 : 7:38:59 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Yogaman
My journal entries from a year ago reflected this and I seemed to have not looked back over them before scheduling this trip.
Hi Yogaman,
It sounds like you're doing very well I could scarcely survive two hours at my mom's house this Thanksgiving. Very good to hear you are with your favorite person.
I also tend to forget discoveries about myself. It's actually good to do so, since that allows the process its natural progression.
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Jim and His Karma
2110 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2014 : 3:14:42 PM
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quote:
I also tend to forget discoveries about myself.
When I discover that this has happened to me (which it frequently does), I just ironically reassure myself with the observation that I've forgotten more about spirituality than you've ever known. Spoken in a boasting, gnarly, superior tone, ala a Will Ferrell character. I get a kick out of the fact that no one else is actually in the room. And it takes my mind off the thick-headedness evidenced by my constant back-tracking.
That's why I keep a journal. Very non-chatty, very spare. I just include stuff I suspect might be both helpful and forgotten in the future. A breadcrumb trail for myself.
The trick is not to just use it to ramble on and on with spiritual thoughts which no one - least of all me - would ever want to read. Keep it really really terse and infrequent. Just vital stuff.
I find the act of setting it into writing also helps me deepen the insight.
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Anima
484 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2014 : 5:22:40 PM
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Hi Jim,
Yes, a spiritual journal is a good idea! I've kept one for about six months and also use some AYP posts to keep me appraised on what I've forgotten about myself. And I can relate... when I look back on my writings, I sometimes think, "how did I lose sight of this?" My writing is far from terse, but hey, we all have our challenges, right?
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Jim and His Karma
2110 Posts |
Posted - Dec 02 2014 : 9:58:04 PM
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What I'm suggesting is more a functional set of notes than a diary. A diary is a fine outlet for personal expression, but what I'm suggesting isn't a service for the out-putter, but for the (future) in-putter. Different mission entirely, and IMO they can't be effectively combined.
So maybe I shouldn't have used the word "journal", which has other associations. If that's what you're into, nothing wrong with that. But it's a tediously inefficient means of keeping hard-won insights at hand. So you might want to keep another document around which is just pointers, crib notes, and don't-forgets. |
Edited by - Jim and His Karma on Dec 04 2014 11:51:00 AM |
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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Dec 07 2014 : 1:40:46 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Dogboy
quote:
There is no reasoning with her. I joke that she's like a mob boss, and everyone around is walking on eggshells to ensure her mood remains positive and her whims are met promptly and without fail.
I see so much of this emerging ego in my observations of mind that I am suspecting that we do not grow out of younger selves, but stack and best these psychic structures like Russian dolls.
Your niece has given you this gift to take home with you!
Indeed! A lovely perspective. |
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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Dec 07 2014 : 1:46:46 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Bodhi Tree
quote:
Originally posted by Yogaman
I've noticed that the ego does not like change. In fact, change seems to reveal to the ego how arbitrary it really is, and a novel environment stripped of schedule, routine and habit drive this point home even further.
Just a recommendation regarding ego...
Be careful about speaking of "the ego" as if it's some demonic entity that is pitted against you. It's not. The ego is your best friend. Quite a few teachers will use the gimmick of ego-as-enemy, but I have found that to be far from true. After all, isn't the inner ego voice used to utter the mantra silently and release samyama sutras? The ego is the vehicle of enlightenment, and like any other vehicle, it can be twisted, contorted, and dysfunctional, but that does not make it inherently problematic. The only problem is HOW we use it. To say: "The ego does not like change" is only a fleeting description--at best, because actually, the ego can like change very much. If the ego is anything, it's holographic, which is: reflective of Self, multi-dimensional, prismatic, and open to change. See?
Thank you for your ongoing genius.
I don't see the ego as a demonic entity or as being pitted against me. But your comment does help me to realize that it's not "Ego" that has this intrinsic nature, rather it's my particular ego, and at this particular period of time that I am describing. A very important distinction! Thanks. |
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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Dec 07 2014 : 1:48:41 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Anima Deorum
quote:
Originally posted by Yogaman
My journal entries from a year ago reflected this and I seemed to have not looked back over them before scheduling this trip.
Hi Yogaman,
It sounds like you're doing very well I could scarcely survive two hours at my mom's house this Thanksgiving. Very good to hear you are with your favorite person.
I also tend to forget discoveries about myself. It's actually good to do so, since that allows the process its natural progression.
Yes that is why I keep this journal. Often change can happen at the rate we acclimatize to it, making it invisible to us. |
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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Dec 07 2014 : 1:52:49 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Jim and His Karma
What I'm suggesting is more a functional set of notes than a diary. A diary is a fine outlet for personal expression, but what I'm suggesting isn't a service for the out-putter, but for the (future) in-putter. Different mission entirely, and IMO they can't be effectively combined.
So maybe I shouldn't have used the word "journal", which has other associations. If that's what you're into, nothing wrong with that. But it's a tediously inefficient means of keeping hard-won insights at hand. So you might want to keep another document around which is just pointers, crib notes, and don't-forgets.
I too do the "crib notes" approach. "Just the facts, ma'am". These weekly posts are where I set aside time to reflect and think into the experiences. The writing often takes on a life of its own once I get started.
These entries started out being personal entries, and I thought I'd start sharing them here. Normally I wouldn't flood a forum with such lengthy stuff. |
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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Dec 07 2014 : 1:53:38 PM
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Yoga Recap 2014-12-07
Another good week of sits overall. The intensity and focus experienced during my flights and time at Greg's has dwindled somewhat, but part of that may be due to a lowered mood since getting home and getting back into the swing of things. Been a bit distracted during sits, and a bit less enthusiastic.
I did have one interesting experience where some sexual arousal occurred, and as the erection began to form, the mula bandha began to engage somewhat by habit. I could sense the "energy" or "focus" of the physical arousal divert and mingle with the energy flow sensations along the spine, resulting from the spinal breathing pranayama practice. Even though the literal-minded scientist in me "knows" that erections are the flow of blood into the penis, I can't deny the subjective experience of that energy seeming to divert. I had expected the same experience to return at the evening meditation and it did not, nor has it since. I did have some vivid sexual dreams the night before that experience.
Life between sits remains mostly positive, despite the slight dip in mood and motivation since returning home to my routines.
I found it interesting how being out of my familiar surroundings, habits, patterns and routines for nearly two weeks really shook up my sense of self. It was very apparent that for me, what I do is highly equated with who I am — or at least who I see myself as, or the persona I identify with. I suppose this can be paralleled to some degree with a retreat. I even perceived the time away as a meditation of sorts, a break in the repetition of life.
It was interesting how "addicted" I am to being "me". Or at least the one current version. I felt similar pangs of anxiety to get back to my old patterns. I felt a sense of losing identity with the disruption in routine, the lack of autonomy. "What we do" seems in a way a physical expression of "what we tell ourselves", and by extension who we see ourselves as — or perhaps who we tell ourselves we are.
Vacations and retreats seem therefore a slight ego-death experience. Both require a few days for the new experience to settle in after the initial excitement, then a few more days to adjust to new patterns — both physically and psychologically. Eventually one realizes that so-called habits and compulsions are a bunch of illusions. Patterns fueled by momentum and fear of or resistance to change. A resistance only powered by the desire to maintain the momentum of the current pattern — regardless of its beneficial or detrimental nature. Given enough time, we will begin identifying with the new patterns and disdain the return to the old — again only because said return would be a change in the current pattern, not because of any intrinsic quality of the former behaviors.
One example of this is my daily ritual of drinking coffee. I felt as if I "needed" or at least "really wanted" a cup of coffee in the morning. Because my hosts no longer drank coffee, but had tea, I decided to try tea as a morning drink (which I had been considering for a while anyways). Soon enough, the cup of tea became my new ritual, my new habit, my new identity. My new me. I discovered also that I really like Earl Grey tea, which I'd never tried prior.
It didn't take long. Perhaps 5 days and I was in my new routine. My new me. I equate this somewhat with my earlier observation that it takes about 5 minutes to overcome the resistance to activity change (the addiction to maintaining the momentum of the current activity). Of course, this is in an environment where I had surrendered much control, was in completely new surroundings for the entire duration, and didn't have to worry much about food, shelter or money.
I've read about Vipassana retreats where they last 10 days, and you are required to stay the entire duration once you begin. I can see why. As mentioned above, the real work doesn't even begin until the new environment sinks in after at least 2-3 days. You then need some time to really live with the uncomfortableness of the changes to habits and patterns, both mental and physical. I wouldn't doubt that retreats are primarily designed to do this, with the opportunity for extended meditations being a side-benefit.
As mentioned earlier, the added benefit of spending time with my three year-old niece added to the meditation on identity. Seeing her relative inability to project experiences forward in time (delayed gratification) as well as compare and contrast the past to the present (memory, and persistence of self/identity) was illuminating. One might superficially say she was "living in the moment", but to me she was not. She was the embodiment of mind — that intemperate, impatient, fearful, self-centered and easily distracted but not easily changed drive to "do something".
The patience with which I've learned to observe and perceive my mind was directly applied to my niece, and I realized that how one treats children is how one treats themselves. The three year-old self never "goes away" or "grows up", we just accumulate more identity and abstraction upon it. It was great to see my brother have so much patience and presence with his daughter — for her sake, and for his own.
I had a hint of this insight a few weeks prior to my trip, when I realized that as a child, the treatment I received from my father had nothing to do with me — it was his own self-talk, directed at his inner three year-old, externalized and repackaged for his child. It was the only way he knew to deal with that irrational identity, and something he most likely learned (or more accurately, was conditioned to believe).
By the end of the trip, I saw no difference between my niece's incessant mantra of "more pasta" and my desire for "more of the same" — habits, thoughts, patterns, momentum, and in the end, identity.
"More me!" |
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Dogboy
USA
2192 Posts |
Posted - Dec 07 2014 : 2:29:05 PM
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quote:
By the end of the trip, I saw no difference between my niece's incessant mantra of "more pasta" and my desire for "more of the same" — habits, thoughts, patterns, momentum, and in the end, identity.
Great vacation!
quote:
I did have one interesting experience where some sexual arousal occurred, and as the erection began to form, the mula bandha began to engage somewhat by habit. I could sense the "energy" or "focus" of the physical arousal divert and mingle with the energy flow sensations along the spine, resulting from the spinal breathing pranayama practice. Even though the literal-minded scientist in me "knows" that erections are the flow of blood into the penis, I can't deny the subjective experience of that energy seeming to divert.
Expect more of this, expect it to intensify. Sometimes my perineum is fluttering like hummingbird wings. Might be a good time to review some tantra techniques. You will be tested about what to do about the intensity. Ask guru for guidence! |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Dec 08 2014 : 05:30:16 AM
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On the note of changing behavioral/thought patterns (and loosening identification with them), here is a nifty little animation that illustrates the trajectory of going from the comfort zone, to the learning zone, and finally, to the magic zone:
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HhFxQl...ure=youtu.be |
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Lar
USA
11 Posts |
Posted - Dec 13 2014 : 5:36:37 PM
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I only occasionally visit the forums. I did so yesterday and found your journal. I read it from start to finish. It is like a good book -- a page turner -- hard to put down till the end.
I started AYP practices about six months after you and have been very consistent. My current set of practices are similar to yours. My progress and experience has also been quite similar.
I am inspired by your all your readings (I have a list of your links and book references to explore).
I wish you success in your quest for more demonstrable results -- and good luck with those shrooms (I've had good luck growing a different variety!)
With affection,
Larry
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Dogboy
USA
2192 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2014 : 06:25:32 AM
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| Welcome back to the forum Larry |
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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2014 : 12:54:00 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Dogboy
quote:
By the end of the trip, I saw no difference between my niece's incessant mantra of "more pasta" and my desire for "more of the same" — habits, thoughts, patterns, momentum, and in the end, identity.
Great vacation!
quote:
I did have one interesting experience where some sexual arousal occurred, and as the erection began to form, the mula bandha began to engage somewhat by habit. I could sense the "energy" or "focus" of the physical arousal divert and mingle with the energy flow sensations along the spine, resulting from the spinal breathing pranayama practice. Even though the literal-minded scientist in me "knows" that erections are the flow of blood into the penis, I can't deny the subjective experience of that energy seeming to divert.
Expect more of this, expect it to intensify. Sometimes my perineum is fluttering like hummingbird wings. Might be a good time to review some tantra techniques. You will be tested about what to do about the intensity. Ask guru for guidence!
Thank you, good to know. I've already had intermittent experiences with the fluttering you mention. |
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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2014 : 1:07:10 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Bodhi Tree
On the note of changing behavioral/thought patterns (and loosening identification with them), here is a nifty little animation that illustrates the trajectory of going from the comfort zone, to the learning zone, and finally, to the magic zone:
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HhFxQl...ure=youtu.be
Nice overview, good info. Resonates with the stuff I've been inundating myself with lately. Much of this stuff seems to relate to the perspective we take, the definitions we use, and the be,ideas we cling to. Most of these are not fixed at all, as we tend to treat them. They are rather fluid and malleable. We tend to cling to this "persona momentum" as well — I am "this" because I've done "that" for so long. We tend to totally forget that all of the "that" behavior is arbitrary and we can change our minds at any time. |
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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2014 : 1:22:14 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Lar
I only occasionally visit the forums. I did so yesterday and found your journal. I read it from start to finish. It is like a good book -- a page turner -- hard to put down till the end.
I started AYP practices about six months after you and have been very consistent. My current set of practices are similar to yours. My progress and experience has also been quite similar.
I am inspired by your all your readings (I have a list of your links and book references to explore).
I wish you success in your quest for more demonstrable results -- and good luck with those shrooms (I've had good luck growing a different variety!)
With affection,
Larry
Great to hear Larry, and thank you for the kind words. It's nice to know these posts are worth sharing here. I too am very intermittent here and sometimes feel my participation is a bit one-sided. It's funny how little time one has once you start focusing on and actually doing the things you want to do!
Very interesting on the parallel experiences and timeframe. I sometimes have deep doubts about all of this, and it's good to know there's a fellow traveler on this journey weather the same rocky passes and persisting through the dark skies until the sun comes back again.
My mushroom "farm" is just about ready to start fruiting. I'm definitely going to continue this hobby, and expand into other varieties. This seems way more up my alley than my gardening, although I'll be continuing that as well. Mushrooms have a fascinating life cycle, and it's far easier to maintain environmental control and see success. My garden went pretty good for a first-timer, but man there is some tough competition out there!
I am fascinated by the decompositional nature of the mushroom kingdom — the stomach of the Earth. In a way it reminds me of yoga/meditation: we build this network of mycelium deep within, using as fuel the old and the dead parts (simultaneously ensuring they don't sit around cluttering up the place). And when ready, the fruits come forth to repeat the cycle.
The parallels in imagery with concepts of inner energy, prana and kundalini/crown chakra depictions as well as the growth pattern, physical structure and appearance of mushroom fruits helps too :) |
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Yogaman
USA
295 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2014 : 1:23:31 PM
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Yoga Recap 2014-12-14
A decent week of sits. They didn't have the intensity of sits from the previous week/weeks, particularly during my California trip visit my brother. That said, the sits have overall been good. The end of the week found me having some deep, still sits that I was also anxious to wrap up. It's so odd how one can be so focused on achieving some proficiency at a practice, and then once we do it no longer captures our attention. See also: learning guitar.
I set up a more detailed meditation spreadsheet table in my general health and fitness tracking spreadsheet. Previously I tracked only date, duration and a general 5-star rating. Now I am tracking the specific time for sits, the inclusion of asanas, samyama, yoni mudra khumbaka, the presence of any automatic yoga, the individual rating of meditation and pranayama, as well as ratings for focus, inner energy, stillness, restlessness and mind-wandering. The latter being the conditions I most often note in my daily meditation sit notes. Lastly, a space for notes.
These ratings are intended only to be able to go back and chart some general trends in my sits over time. I've been tracking the other health stuff for over a year or more now and still have yet to actually chart anything, but without the data I can never do so. It also helps me focus on the practice and reflect on it after a sit.
Much like my daily recaps, it's less about the content and more about the habit and establishing the experience in writing to better embed it in my psyche. Some might call it bhakti. I find that little rituals and routines like this help to establish a solid core of "someone who does this thing", be it meditation, exercise or eating more healthily. I also seem to just enjoy tracking and recording this kind of data!
Life between sits remains overall positive. I've been speaking with the tail end of a cold I caught out in California, and I've been slow to get my motivation back since returning. This is where habits and routines help — if don't think, I just do. Referring back to my insight as of a few weeks ago that the mind (or more specifically my mind) likes to resist any change at all, but even just 5 minutes of the new activity seems to shift the mind into accepting the new activity as the thing it longer wants to stop doing. In that light I've just been putting my focus on maintaining these routines.
I did have the thought that meditation has become one of the routines that I do not like to skip above the rest. And I wondered if it was because of the meditation experience and results, or if my perfectionist mind just likes (obsesses) about not breaking the streak.
It has been just about one year since the inner energy experiences started for me. I had some vague stirrings in the Autumn/Winter of 2013, with a significant experience of the energy "detaching" from (or further expanding away from) the pelvic area and becoming more free floating within the torso occurring right around the Winter Solstice. I was still using the breath as my focus back then. |
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Yogaman's journal
