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kevincann
USA
335 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 21 2012 : 3:51:26 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by mika
Hi everyone,
I am having some serious problems with tantra and could use some help.
Stephen
Stephen,
A number of things said by the other posters are certainly correct;
I'd never recommend that *anyone* pursue Tantra or Kundalini yoga
FIRST. Perhaps under the direction of a fully qualified instructor;
but the world is full of quacks; how is one supposed to know
who can be trusted? Some of the biggest names out there are
still under the sway of the false light (the light of the temporary
structure called 'the soul', not the light of an awakened Atman).
Of course within AYP, the emphasis is to follow the fine-tuned
system so that spiritual emergencies like you and others are
undergoing do not occur.
There is an emphasis on not looking 'under the hood' in this system,
and this is wise, as the perceptual mechanism is constantly evolving
as you meditate, so what looks like a snake turns out to be just
a rope; or nothing at all.
But when the engine becomes broken you may need a mechanic.
One whose perceptual mechanism is steady and who has undergone
a full and complete Kundalini awakening leading to liberation;
without liberation the great lens, the human body, is clouded,
and you will get bad advice.
I can tell you from my own experience, that I had a Kundalini
imbalance from 'before birth'. I didn't even know English yet,
and I was trying to deal with huge flows of energy rampaging
in my body. Yes there was bliss, even at the age of 1, but
all this without an instructor was very overwhelming to say
the least. It was my 'karma' to experience something like
45 years of an imbalanced energy system, because another 'kevin'
once gave very bad advice that others took seriously, and it
caused in them the very imbalance that crushed me for most
of my life.
So let' start with some basic facts.
What often happens when someone prematurely awakens Kundalini
incorrectly, is that the 'doorway' to the 'home of Kundalini'
cracks open just a bit.
The first thing Kundalni does is to amplify the sexual drive.
This is because Kundalni needs to generate Ojas, Soma and Amrita,
the three major components of the 'nectar cycle'. Yogani has
some solid material on this; just search for it.
Without these components, the human nervous system cannot be upgraded
to support the 'energy component' of a Kundalini awakening.
Now what usually happens in these cases, is that the sexual drive
gets augmented, but Kundalni has nowhere to go; the sushuma (the
'central channel' linking the silent home of Kundalnin with
the human brain has not been built).
So Kundalini is stuck in the augmenting the sex drive phase,
and then Kundalini goes back to sleep. This is because the Atman,
the divine Self, is the one in charge of Kundalni; if the Atman's
attention wavers away from the awakening, because you haven't
done your part (made your body a home for the Goddess Kundalini),
then you are rather screwed. Yes, bad things do happen to good
people. This is the fruit of karma. I experienced this very
thing.
The good news is that this state can be recovered from. It may
not be easy however; the 'karma' will keep one in this state,
until the lesson is learned. But grace is also possible.
In the long term, a balanced system like AYP would help you
built a place for that Kundalni to go. But of course right
now, anything but the very lightest meditation or spiritual
practice would be like throwing gasoline on a fire.
A bit of under the hood talk now.
There is that hot current of energy rampaging around. Technically
that is not Kundalni at all, except in the most general sense
(some people equate Kundalni and prana, which is not technically
correct).
You see, that hot current is the specialized energy intended for
procreation. Since a Kundalni awakening is actually the birthing
of a Divine Child in a certain sense, this energy is augmented
and redirected for this purpose in a healthy awakening.
But when you get a 'stillbirth', this energy does not assume
it's proper role; it has no choice but to go back to it's old
function, the normal human circuit of procreation.
But it's too much.
The body does try to do something with this excessive energy,
and it flows all over the place causing problems.
Unfortunately there is no 'un-ringing the bell'. Over years
the 'doorway' to the silent home of Kundalini may nearly shut
and some are fortunate that way.
Or you can go forward, if you can. It's impossible to say
which way things will, or should go for any particular
individual. A certain amount of 'the amazing Kreskin' can
be done at range, but this is serious stuff; it is not wise
to over-commit; we are all students of Life; we are all
beginners or we wouldn't be on this Earth.
But that said, it may be possible to snap that hot energy
into a more beneficial configuration.
Let's do just a bit more under the hood. I know this sounds
contrary to quite a bit of rubbish on the Internet, but it's
true.
When Kundalini awakens, it is in fact a bit of maya burning
off the silent home of Kundalnini, which is buried deeply
in matter itself. Matter or Maya in fact has Kundalini
'flowing in every atom' so to speak. Otherwise how could
matter go home at the end of the cycle?
The one who burns the Maya is the Self, or pure Awareness.
Now Yoga traditions appear to differ from the Taoist traditions
but under the hood there is little difference.
Ask any Hatha, Kriya, Laya, or AYP advanced practitioner
and if you can get them to discuss 'under the hood', you'll
hear a lot about Mulabandha. You'll hear about how the
'sexual energy' is supposed to be 'forced up' and mixed
with air and apana in the stomach. Everything is up, up,up
with these approaches. And I understand why this is so.
In the Taoist approaches, there is a focus upon down, down,
down, and then up, up,up. <rinse repeat>.
Well in fact under the hood, it is not so simple.
Yes, the 'hot current' does IN PART go up to the
stomach and mix there, to support the nectar cycle.
This is critical, so it is understandable why mulabandha
is used.
However there is another flow of energy which is intended
to go 'down'. Down into matter. Down into the silent center
of Kundalini.
It is this irritation, of the hot energy of procreation banging
on the door of the silent center of Kundalni which awakens the
slumbering Atman. The Atman is normally in this idyllic state,
playing with Dakinis and giving swirlies to the Buddha and other
enjoyable activities, and not paying attention to matter (maya)
which it is actually intimately connected with.
In the case of a 'sill-birth', this hot energy must be gently
and without mania or desire to proceed in an awakening redirected
towards the silent center, while at the same time gently doing
a complete system like AYP.
This will irritate the silent center, but this is much better
than to have it roaming around the body driving you crazy.
If with humility you purge yourself of the desires which first
caused you to do Tantra out of order, and tell your Self (just words
are fine, even if you don't believe in a Self) "Your time schedule
not mine" and mean it, then the Self may well ignore the irritation
for a lengthy time, and give your body time to adjust.
Now Stephen, I know you say you are an atheist. And I know this
will sound strange, but I can really respect that. The truth is
that yoga really taps the laws of physics; that in fact there
IS NOTHING SPIRITUAL. There is this 'one stuff' which in the
arc of time we see as matter, but 'outside the arc of time'
is this marvelous stuff. There is nothing but this one stuff.
Yes, from my experience, there is a "One". There really are
so-called "male and female aspects" and even Buddhas and higher
beings; but this is just all physics. We just don't know the
rules yet. That's all.
Now you can attempt to snap that hot energy back into place
yourself. If you just will it to go inwards towards the spine
and down and 'out' of your system, perhaps into 'the Earth'
if you wish to visualize it that way; that might be enough
to do the trick. You'll know if you succeed, if you start
to feel a cool current in the vicinity of the hot current;
if you let the hot and cool currents mix and go down/out,
you will succeed. It may take a few sessions of five minutes,
but that's what it will feel like if you are successful.
Now in a healthy Kundalini awakening, the Self would do all
this 'under the hood' type stuff for you; but outside the
safety of a complete system, outside the safety of an
awakening 'silent witness', and with nobody to help you,
then you are stuck with the slow and painful teacher - karma.
If you just can't get that to work after say a month, then
a modified type of Shaktipat from a qualified individual
may be able to do it for you, with your permission, if you
take care of that karma, and if this grace is to be allowed.
Stephen and others who need help, I hope this provides
some value.
Kev
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delta33
Canada
100 Posts |
Posted - Sep 21 2012 : 6:32:57 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by mika
Hi everyone,
I am having some serious problems with tantra and could use some help.
I came across tantra in books a few years ago and started learning it on my own at a bad time in my life, shortly after developing generalised anxiety disorder. I read Way of the Superior Man by David Deida and Cultivating Male Sexual Energy by Mantak Chia. It is the biggest mistake I've ever made.
those are both very good books.. no mistake there
quote:
My anxiety was getting worse and a few months later I read stories about people going insane from doing tantra and similar practices and I became terrified of it. I could feel sexual energy in other areas of my body now and I was scared of it and would try to push it away whenever I thought of it. It has been that way ever since, but the feelings in my body have been getting stronger and now I get awful headaches and feel terrible when I think of it. There is rarely a moment when I am not thinking about it. I am scared now not just of going insane but simply of thinking about it and having that energy build up.
When it does build up, at its worst it is agony and I feel like cutting myself, out of desperation. I have been planning for suicide because it is getting worse every day and it may get to a point that I can't bear it. I can't even meditate anymore or do many other things that would help me cope because it would be a constant battle not to think about the energy and would ultimately make it worse.
fear is an emotion that can be let go.. in this case you read some warnings and horror stories and let a fearful imagination take over.
instead of resisting your awakened sexually energy try relaxing and letting it tingle as it flows in spurts and streams here and there.. it's rather pleasurable.
quote:
So far I haven't been able to find anyone in my area to help me so I came here looking for advice.
Stephen
physical labour helps.. get a manual job moving heavy things around and find solace in work.. if nothing else manual exercise will help burn off some of this extra energy you're worried about.
i'm offering this advice because you asked, and because i went thru a similar fear.. deep meditation helped me detach from my manufactured anxiety and physical work helped ground all my scattered energy.
wishing you well on your journey =) |
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mika
Australia
19 Posts |
Posted - Oct 11 2012 : 7:04:29 PM
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I'm still going. Still struggling a lot but not at crisis point like I was.
I have talked to a therapist who was very helpful in answering a lot of my questions, but not so helpful in helping me deal with the energy, which is still often overwhelming and sometimes feels like hell.
Delta, that sounds like good advice, but I'm practically physically disabled due to chronic pain, so I can't do any heavy labour. The best I can do is handle short walks, with difficulty.
Also, I can't meditate because it makes things far worse. I can do progressive muscle relaxation though. Feldenkrais seems ok too.
I still get confused because some people seem to believe you can stop practicing and the kundalini will go away, while others say it never goes away. Certainly for me it's there regardless of what I do, and I can't imagine that it would just go away. It sounds like at least some people experience it the way I do, though, so that's comforting.
What scares me the most is that the kundalini is still getting stronger. A year ago it was much more subtle. Will it ever stop?
I don't know what to do when the the kundalini builds up and I get kriyas. I either go with the kriyas until I don't know what happens, or I masturbate. But I think masturbation makes the kundalini stronger in future and I don't want that. So what do I do? I suppose it might get stronger either way, but I don't know for sure.
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avatar186
USA
146 Posts |
Posted - Feb 19 2013 : 1:34:06 PM
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Many systems build energy without properly assimilation.
Mantal Chia. Lmao.
This can lead to depression and manic states. As the built up energy is not assimilated. When it goes up it pulls your system up,when it goes down it pulls down on the system. Also any fire created with his methods wont be assimilated.
which is dangerous.
check out my post on Hatha yoga.
I believe I wrote on how to stimulate pingala naturally "which causes upwards flow and proper assimilation"
I also believe I posted on how to stimulate Ida, which causes downward flow naturally.
One cannot influence the bodies systems properly via directing the breath at it.
the body is many functions chained together. The"chain" of functions must be reversed.
You cannot spin one wheel of a car and.expect reversal.
All the gears inside the car must reverse etc. Many functions must individually change direction in order to make the car reverse. That is what the human body is like. The breath is the shifter. |
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mika
Australia
19 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2014 : 11:06:20 PM
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I've spoken to a few therapists, both locally and overseas, but none of them have been able to offer any advice that has made a significant difference.
To say that I feel like I'm being crushed isn't quite accurate, but it's the closest i can come to describing what I'm going through, other than the easy to identify stuff like headaches, nausea, and exhaustion.
It looks like I am living my final few days now. This is just killing me.It's even sadder because in a way my life is going really well. I've found a new hobby that I love and my chronic pain is getting better.
Ending my life has been a really difficult decision. There may be a solution out there. But I've tried really hard to find it, I've fought for a long time and I just can't keep on going. And I guess I don't really believe there is an answer anymore.
So I guess that's it. Mantak Chia murdered me and he's going to get away with it. |
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yogani
USA
5195 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2014 : 04:52:17 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by mika
I've spoken to a few therapists, both locally and overseas, but none of them have been able to offer any advice that has made a significant difference.
To say that I feel like I'm being crushed isn't quite accurate, but it's the closest i can come to describing what I'm going through, other than the easy to identify stuff like headaches, nausea, and exhaustion.
It looks like I am living my final few days now. This is just killing me.It's even sadder because in a way my life is going really well. I've found a new hobby that I love and my chronic pain is getting better.
Ending my life has been a really difficult decision. There may be a solution out there. But I've tried really hard to find it, I've fought for a long time and I just can't keep on going. And I guess I don't really believe there is an answer anymore.
So I guess that's it. Mantak Chia murdered me and he's going to get away with it.
Hi Mika:
So sorry to hear of these difficulties.
Ending our life prematurely is not the way out, because we can only work through the difficulties while incarnated. If we don't work through it now, we will only have to work through it later. This is true for all of us, so we carry on. We're all in it together. Surely there is someone that you can talk with some more about this.
Sounds like there have been some good things going on in your life. You have the option to focus more on the positive things and move forward with purpose.
The kundalini imbalance will not last forever. If you see it through, you will find great light on the other side. That is certain. You just have to keep walking.
Not sure what AYP can offer in this difficult situation beyond the known kundalini remedies, except to suggest that you keep grounding and keep active in ordinary activities for as long as it takes. Be very kind to yourself and don't overdo anything. Keeping it very simple and basic is the key, which includes avoiding being preoccupied with your symptoms as best you can. Keep active with other things. This is the best way to move beyond the current difficulties. It will pass.
If you are not familiar already, you might find Gopi Krishna's story helpful -- it is about a difficult kundalini journey, with a positive ending. You can do it.
Love and prayers.
The guru is in you.
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parvati9
USA
587 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2014 : 12:50:13 PM
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Hi Mika
The following advice is based upon Ayurveda plus intuition. Do you live close to the ocean? If so... that is a wonderful and miraculous healing resource available to you. From my perspective, the primary problem is fear (which is exacerbating the pain and discomfort). The secondary problem is inability to open. The primary problem must be dealt with first, then the secondary problem. So first the fear. Apparently your mind is tending to race with the heightened k energy. It is your mind that must be coaxed into slowing down, unwinding, relaxing and calming. Does that make sense?
1. Do not permit negative thoughts. This will take some work, but if there is intent to make it through the rough patch, you must consider the health benefits of positive thinking. Refuse to give in to any kind of negative thought whatsoever. This is the first step. Do not permit excuses or allow yourself to worry, but rather turn your thinking to some pleasant experience/ memory/ fantasy. Whatever has made you happy in the past - think on that. If you feel any genuine gratitude, dwelling on that for which you feel grateful, will expedite the rebalancing. You can do this!
2. If feasible, get yourself to the beach as much as you can and - preferably - get yourself right into the (salt?) water. Lying down in the shallow salt water would be best. You can even immerse your head for brief periods...Lift head to breathe, exhale under water. Lay on your stomach, sides and back and if anything promotes relief, continue with that. The salt in the water is very healing, will strengthen, relax, stabilize and quiet the body/ mind, and will help to ground the k energy. Salt water is the very best, but any relatively unpolluted water will help to smooth out and slow down the k energy. The wet sand is also very very grounding, like mud is grounding. Anything that effectively grounds you will provide some relief. If it is appropriate, take off your shoes and socks and don't put them back on until there is some relief from your symptoms.
3. In my opinion, you need to pacify vata. Sounds like vata is very high with you, which is causing imbalance. So to calm vata, you will need lots of rest. Mild to moderate (not vigorous) exercise much much later, if and when you feel a little more balanced, okay? So for now you need lots of rest. If you are working and can afford to quit for a short period or indefinitely, you may consider the advisability of doing so.
4. Regular meals. Can you do that? 3 meals a day. You choose the times, this is only an example: Every day breakfast at 7:30am, every day lunch at 12noon, every day dinner at 6pm. This schedule of regular meals, or a similar one, will help immensely to calm vata (and therefore significantly reduce high vata, fear and pain).
5. When you are feeling more calm, stable, balanced and grounded.. begin very very gradually to permit the k energy that has been raging in you. Begin to accept it. Accepting and allowing it will begin the opening process. But you will need to do this very very slowly..okay... baby steps. And if you experience the return of extreme fear or pain, you will need to go back to the other steps so that you become stronger and your calmness stabilizes. We can't open to the process when we're placing our attention on fear or pain. As the vata calms down, so will the pain.
Hoping this is helpful or at least inpires you to keep on keeping on  .. Best wishes, you can do this. Really.
love
parvati
edit/typo
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Edited by - parvati9 on Feb 08 2014 1:22:13 PM |
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2014 : 2:04:53 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by mika
Mantak Chia murdered me and he's going to get away with it.
Ha! I used to think that same thing about one of my teachers! He taught me techniques that induced a premature kundalini awakening (3rd eye and crown stimulation, as well as a very penetrating heart-prayer), and I've been suffering ever since! But, alas, I've learned how to manage through AYP techniques and other customized grounding lessons of my own. Also, reading Gopi Krishna's book (that Yogani mentioned) was very inspiring and helpful.
Incidentally, that teacher of mine passed away recently in a house fire in which he was probably drunk and therefore prone to accident and destruction. I was very sad to get the news and wanted to go back to San Francisco to see him, but he's on the other side now, of where he was already well-acquainted: the 7 heavens, Tree of Life, angels, demons, spirits, etc.
Anyway, what you need is water to calm the fire. That's what my teacher needed too. Too much ecstasy, too much diversion. You have to find the grounded fluidity which horizontally will connect you to the Earth grid in a way that is anchored but versatile. You might be surprised what touching trees and plants could do for you. And people. There's face-to-face people out there for you. A church. A support group. A public place. Friends, family, etc.
Also, humor. Humor is key. You gotta invoke a little gallows' humor, or you'll never make it. If we can laugh at our shortcomings and suffering, things get a little lighter. Not that everything can be laughed at, but there's much to be said for comic relief. George Carlin. Sam Kinison. Older satirists like Mark Twain and Charles Dickens.
You're not alone in the struggle. Good luck, and Godspeed.
Love. Unity. Strength.  |
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Anima
484 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2014 : 7:37:38 PM
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Hi Mika,
Please let me share what jonesboy told me several months ago:
"You are not the pain, the hurt, the fear, you are beautiful and loved."
And it's true for you as well. There is so much love here. And there is so much in you. I've found this site immensely useful for support. Hang in there.
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Dogboy
USA
2197 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2014 : 8:42:21 PM
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By venting here, Mika, you may have saved yourself! Allow these fine yogis to be of service!
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Radharani
USA
843 Posts |
Posted - Feb 11 2014 : 12:49:33 AM
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Dear Mika,
Everybody has already given you great advice, above. I don't really have much to add. Knowing that others have gotten through similar crises makes me feel confident that you can, too.
Please just know that you are not alone. We are all in this together. Much Love to you. |
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twinkletoes
Australia
4 Posts |
Posted - Feb 15 2014 : 8:48:16 PM
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Mika could I offer one piece of advice which was offered to me years ago when I was undergoing seriuos problems with surging physical and psychological forces which were a result of Kundalini issues. This was a simple one that I have never heard anyone suggest before or since. Some of the AYP people may be aware of it, I don't know.
The advice was this: Time your daily meditation practices to coincide with the morning and evening twilights; that is in the morning between first light and true sunrise, and in the evening in the dusk between sunset and full dark.
I tryed this advice myself and found that after a short btime the effect was a dramatic levelling out of my energy imbalances, even though I had previously meditated regular twice daily, it was the shifting to this time schedule which made the critical difference. I don't really know why it worked, but it certainly worked well. The only explanation which was given to me at the time was 'that is when the eartn meditates', whatever that may meam. I hope that this can be of some help. Your situation may improve faster than you imagine. |
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Evannon
USA
26 Posts |
Posted - Feb 23 2014 : 4:34:58 PM
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Mika, I know this struggle! One day in 2008 at a vipassana retreat (my third) kundalini came up powerfully (it had been going on since 2003) and threw my deepest fears and anxieties in my face front and center. I really thought I was going to lose my mind - severe anxiety and depression, which went on for at least one and a half years. As I would drift off to sleep, the "energy" would surge and my heart would start racing, not in ecstasy but in ice cold fear - a panic reaction. I turned to alcohol just to drink myself to sleep. I quit meditating, masturbated (though at times it threatened to escalate the energy,) turned to work and exercise. (EXERCISE HELPED! I read about your chronic pain, but not sure where it is or the cause. Definitely do whatever you can!) Ultimately, upon facing my anxieties I discovered that they had to do with deeply repressed fears of my own sexuality, particularly my gayness. I'm fairly bisexual, but strongly attracted to men. I was raised in a fundamentalist Christian family, but you don't have to have such an upbringing to have fears and anxieties associated with sex. The world we live in is deeply conflicted about sex; movies, pornography, childhood experiences - any number of things can cause traumas that create difficulties, and kundalini will bring them to the surface - that's her job - so we can see them, know them, and let go of them. Of course, this prospect is terrifying at first, so our minds want to block the seeing, the knowing. We experience fear, anxiety, panic, depression. If we can allow kundlini to do its work and then ground again, it cleanses us. If our minds get in the way, it causes problems. In order to get the mind out of the way, you have to cultivate two things: equanimity and compassion.
Now, the problem is, you've already raised kundalini before cultivating the necessary equanimity and compassion - just as I did. So you face the particularly tricky task of having to work with that energy using only what equanimity and compassion you can muster right now. Never fear - it can be done!
What's happening is, the Energy isn't grounding - it's stuck in your body, where it has been building, and continues to build because it can't ground. It can't ground because your fear won't let you work with it. You are afraid because you do not TRUST the energy. You fear if you allow it to really move through you, it will make you crazy. Am I right? (That's how I felt, anyway.) Ultimately, I found - as you say - that I could not avoid the energy. It was not going away; I had to deal with it.
Here are the steps that finally helped me, and have brought me to the point of, not only stability, but an incredibly joyful life. I offer them to you with all the compassion and hope in the world.
1. Don't be afraid to go crazy. As someone said above, it's not Kundalini energy that makes people crazy, it's the fear in their own minds. This was true of Gopi Krishna, I believe (Ready his book, "Kundalini, the Evolutionary Energy in Man.") Nevertheless, how do we let go of this fear? I was only able to do so after talking to a close friend who has suffered from severe bi-polar disorder for many years. He had been hospitalized many times. Fortunately he was relatively healthy when I talked to him, and he said: "Oh, THAT's what you're afraid of? Well I've been there, and I'm here to tell you, if that's your path, you can handle it. It will be okay." That was a HUGE turning point for me. Previously, I had feared insanity far more than death. With my friend's reassurance, I was able to accept the possibility that insanity might be my fate. It turned out NOT to be my fate. Your symptoms are so similar to mine that I feel confident in saying it will not be your fate either. But you have to be brave enough to face this possibility in order to take step 2.
2. Prepare for meditation by cultivating "bodhicitta," the will to benefit others. This is absolutely key. It comes from the Tibetan Tantra tradition, and it's overlooked by Chia and many other traditions, especially the many westernizations of tantra. I'm going to recommend an invocation to repeat at the beginning of every meditation, but first I have to emphasize that you must FEEL this. Look into your heart; think of people you know and love; do you not wish them well? Of course you do! How might they feel if you killed yourself? Even if there's no one else in your life besides the people on this forum, I'm here to tell you: WE care about you, and we would be deeply saddened to lose you. Your presence here benefits us, challenges us, raises our compassion. This is what we're here for. This is what YOU are here for. So remember us, and anyone else or any group of people for whom you wish health and happiness - INCLUDING YOURSELF.
Now, here's the invocation:
"May whatsoever merits I gain by acting thus
Go to the benefit of all beings."
Repeat it three times.
You know the power of kundalini energy, obviously. But do you know this? It is not generated by your body or your mind; it has generated your body and your mind. This will become clear as you meditate with the energy. It is the life force; it is what brings male and female together; it is love. You are going to be a channel of this loving energy into the world, okay? It is going to radiate through you, and out of you, and into the world, and it's going to benefit everyone - starting with yourself - and moving out to all those you love or have ever loved, and to those who have ever loved you, and even beyond them to strangers, and beyond strangers to enemies, people who harm others, start wars, take lives. Loving energy can reach even them. If it can reach them, it can reach you. The willingness to allow this energy to flow through you and into this plane of existence - for the benefit of others - this will is bodhicitta. Connect with this feeling, generate this wish.
3. Meditate by observing the sensations of the body, and maintain a clear focus on the third eye region. As Yogani teaches, the third eye, or anja, is the throttle, the release valve, the energy center that balances kundalini when she gets really out of control. If you can do this with another experienced meditator, do so. Ask them to meditate with you, just holding the space for you as you do this work.
So, bravely: sit comfortably, or lie down if sitting is painful (as it was for me - I had severe back pain.) Begin breathing gently. I don't recommend using a mantra or doing "spinal breathing" as described in these lessons; the energy needs no further stimulation in your case. Just breathe, and observe the breath for several minutes. When you're ready, begin moving your awareness over your body from toes to head, observing all the sensations in your body, without judgement, without craving, without fear. Presumably your chronic pain will be there; just observe it, don't wish it away. Presumably kundalini will begin to rise as well; don't fear it. It is love, the most powerful force in the universe. It is healing energy, and it can heal even you.
Now - if, by some miracle, after 20 minutes or so, kundalini does NOT arise - CONGRATULATIONS! You already grounded it! Or at least you did so temporarily, thus starting the process. Great! Perhaps you noticed intense vibrations move downward to the root chakra? Did they dissipate there? (This was one of the first things that happened for me.) If you still feel some anxiety and depression in your daily life, it's okay; keep doing this meditation once or twice a day. The grounding process will continue and the symptoms should lessen.
IF, on the other hand, kundalini comes up with force, allow it to do whatever it has to do - and concentrate on anja. If it's ecstatic, if you get aroused, allow it - it's part of the process. (I have to meditate nude so that discomfort from getting an erection in restrictive clothing doesn't distract me too much.) Know that this energy is the life force - it is what produces life and drives evolution, so of course it involves the reproductive energy centers - it created the reproductive energy centers! You may naturally feel that this energy radiates outward from the center of your body, to outside the boundaries of your body. Envision that it does so, spreading your loving energy out into the world.
As you envision this energy radiating outward, if images or ideas that cause fear, anxiety or depression arise, repeat this prayer to yourself:
"May all the victims of [this negativity] (whatever it is, be as specific as you can)
Find peace.
May all the perpetrators of [this negativity] (again, be specific)
Find peace."
The second part is essential; don't skip it.
Continue radiating these loving, healing, compassionate thoughts in response to any fear, anxiety, or depression that arises.
You may begin to feel a purge or emotional release coming. Let it happen! If you need to cry, cry. If you need to scream, scream! If you have a supportive meditator in the room with you, and you need them to hold you, ask them to hold you.
You may also experience an intense flow of kundalini energy. It may be an ecstasy beyond anything you ever thought possible; it might be an intense shaking as deep fears work their way out of you. You may think, "if this goes any further, I'll never come back, I'll plunge into insanity forever." Concentrate on anja if any of this happens. Remember your acceptance of whatever happens; there's nothing to fear. Don't jerk yourself out of the meditation; just concentrate on anja, and slowly move on to the next step.
4. Allow the energy to ground into the earth. Finally, relax your belly, relax your pelvis, let your perineum go - make sure it's totally loose. The energy will flow down through the lower energy centers, including the genital region, and as it passes through there it may arouse you, but it has to go through the genital chakra in order to reach the root chakra, where it will finally ground out. It will ground into the earth, just like lightning. So you have to allow the sexual sensations as it passes through - that's your job. It's part of the process. There's nothing to fear, no guilt, no shame, no pain. Again, if any negative feelings arise - anxieties, fears, painful memories, grief... anything - remember the mantra above: "may the victims find peace; may the causers find peace." Cultivate compassion, forgiveness, love. Remember to include yourself as a recipient of all that love and compassion.
You must be your own father (and mother!) now; see yourself as a child who is just beginning a new life, who needs to learn, to make mistakes, to be forgiven, to be loved. Love that child, so that you, now, as your own parent, can be loving and compassionate - to yourself first, then to those closest to you, then to the world.
Stephen, I sincerely hope this helps. It's a process; you may require a number of attempts before any release comes, and many releases before relief comes. Be brave! You have no choice but to take the journey that lies ahead of you. My heart will be with you!
With love,
Vajra Bell |
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mika
Australia
19 Posts |
Posted - Mar 18 2014 : 01:15:54 AM
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| Every day seems like it could be my last. Nothing has changed. But I have to say that I'm not dead yet. And that's all I can say. |
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Susan
Canada
1 Posts |
Posted - Mar 18 2014 : 10:07:41 AM
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Hey Mika,
Your story sounds familiar. It sounds to me like you are suffering from what some people call "nervous illness: this is when a person has intense anxiety running through their body, waves of energy that feels terrible, terrible, terrible, they can't get out of bed, headaches... etc.
I've been there. I thought I would have to end my life because, although I didn't want to, I couldn't see living like that.
Your fear of "tantric energy" may be stopping you from curing yourself. Could it be that fear and anxiety is causing you to project ideas of "dangerous tantric energy" onto classic symptoms of nervous illness?
Someone handed me a book called "peace from nervous suffering" by Claire Weekes. You can watch her online and see if resonates with you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IfIIJsA0ws8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHMJ2AaTglk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XC8S_T3tGE
quote:
Originally posted by mika
Every day seems like it could be my last. Nothing has changed. But I have to say that I'm not dead yet. And that's all I can say.
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parvati9
USA
587 Posts |
Posted - Mar 21 2014 : 11:23:08 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by mika
Every day seems like it could be my last. Nothing has changed. But I have to say that I'm not dead yet. And that's all I can say.
Dear Mika
Thanks for letting us know how you're getting on, so glad you're still with us. If you continue to hang in there, this rough patch will smooth itself out, of that I am certain. From all the above posts, it looks like you've got quite a few friends here and there are many people rooting for you ... so hang in there if only for us
I've not prayed for you (usually don't do that without permission in advance). However, you've been in my heart and on my mind, and sending you encouragement whenever I think about you. So just let us know if there's anything we can do, okay? ... even if it's just to keep this thread active. For that, it may be helpful to provide a progress report like the one above, from time to time. Wishing you love and peace, and a speedy return to finding joy in life.
love
parvati |
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mika
Australia
19 Posts |
Posted - Jun 01 2014 : 7:41:21 PM
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| I am getting very sick very often, with bad nausea. Even during the night I sometimes wake up and it feels like I have a flu, but I can feel better by morning. Is there anything I can do about this? |
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BillinL.A.
USA
375 Posts |
Posted - Jun 02 2014 : 10:44:04 AM
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Mika just a thought.
Raw ginger root is considered as good or better than Dramamine motion sickness medicine and excellent for nausea too.
I thinly slice 10 or 20 pieces (depending on girth) of ginger and add about a quarter of a lemon's juice. But I like it real spicy. Some people add some honey to make it tastier.
Hope you feel better soon!
quote:
Originally posted by mika
I am getting very sick very often, with bad nausea. Even during the night I sometimes wake up and it feels like I have a flu, but I can feel better by morning. Is there anything I can do about this?
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Edited by - BillinL.A. on Jun 02 2014 10:45:12 AM |
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mika
Australia
19 Posts |
Posted - Jun 07 2014 : 7:20:47 PM
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| Ok thanks, I will give this a try. |
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mika
Australia
19 Posts |
Posted - Jul 17 2014 : 05:36:02 AM
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I put my suicide kit away for a while but I've had to get it out again and get everything ready because I've been that bad lately.
I'm moving into a new house soon with some family members. As much as I'm looking forward to this, it's pretty obvious that I'm just getting worse over time and I think kundalini is eventually going to kill me. I've almost entirely given up on finding help for this problem. I can't see things improving; nothing seems to work.
I wonder whether it is better to end my life now than to move into the new place and ruin it for them. I guess either way it would be ruined but I think my absence would be felt more strongly if I had lived with them for a while and then one day I'm gone. I really don't know what is the right thing to do. And I can't talk to anyone I know about this.
I started drinking about 10 months ago and I hate it but it is keeping me alive. I had hardly touched alcohol before that. I'm drinking quite a lot every day and it worries me, but I need to do it.
There's a massive hole in terms of help for this health problem. I had hoped to help fill it even a little bit but despite all of the people i've talked to, all of the articles and books i've read, the podcasts i've listened to etc, nothing has really fit with what I'm going through or made things any better. As much as I'd like to help with this problem, I feel like I've learned nothing at all and I have nothing to offer.
Anyway I guess I'm just not sure what is best for my family in this situation. |
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lalow33
USA
966 Posts |
Posted - Jul 17 2014 : 4:12:44 PM
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Hi mika,
I know you've said that that you can't talk to anyone you know about this, but that's really the one thing you have to do right now. Just talk to someone, maybe your mom? She can help you find a good counselor or good M.D. If not in your area, she or another family member would be willing to drive you to another city. There's medication that can help with chronic pain, anxiety, nausea, and other symptoms. You are already self medicating with alcohol, so you should be open to this option.
There's lots of good advice in this thread, especially from Yogani. Don't underestimate simplifying and being gentle with yourself and with life in general. This is good advice! Easily missed because it's so simple. Don't overlook it.
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Dogboy
USA
2197 Posts |
Posted - Jul 17 2014 : 4:42:05 PM
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I've followed this thread Mika and know you're tired of living with this. Lalow's advice is solid. There is always room in simplifying, for being fully present in this life, in this moment...in taking a step, and another step beyond that. Corny as it sounds "this too shall pass" always made the moments beyond a little lighter.
If I say please, can you doomsday off the table?
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Mykal K
Germany
266 Posts |
Posted - Jul 18 2014 : 05:03:17 AM
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Hi mika,
I do not understand what made you try to fight or suppress your sexual energy, but I can relate to the aspect of you feeling something you do not understand, and having fear of losing your mind.
I began experiencing a lot of fear that I couldn't find a reason for, my perception started to change and everything felt dreamlike. I didn't have many people (almost none) who I could talk to, and had no control of what was happening to me. Felt like I was losing my mind.
I can tell you what helped me. Basically, one day I got tired of not knowing what was inside of me, why am I in the mess that I am, so I began experimenting.
My nervous system got accustomed to having all that fear in me (I have been in the almost constant state of fear for a year and a half), so I resolved to not be bullied by it anymore. I said to myself that I experience it one way or the other, so I can at least try to understand it.
In small increments, as far as I deemed safe, I tried to relax and to accept all that was in me (not by thinking about it, it was like a bodily relaxation). When I got into fearful thoughts again, I came back to me feeling my body, and just easily relaxing with all sensations (without judging or thinking anything). Basically, my body was my anchor, and when I started thinking about how this and that and all kind of worry and fear -> I came back to my body and just let my thoughts go. They didn't serve me -> for a year and a half they found no answer for me.
Just easily relaxing and accepting all sensations that I felt as they came was the thing that did it for me. I had to learn to accept the energy in the process. Now I can function easily in the world. I am the same man, the world is finally the same place it was, and I can perceive some things that I didn't before. Think of it as learning another language. So what if you do not know anyone else who speaks it. The most important thing is that you can relax, and you will be able to, just try making small steps at the time. Any time you 'perceive that there is a problem', just let the thoughts go and try to relax in your body. Maybe you will feel a discomfort, or like you're not able. Then take a deep breath,or ten or twenty, and then try to see what you feel inside - and why do you think you can not relax. There might lie the solution, in finding the way to relax when the automatic response is that you can not.
See if breath meditation will help you. It could help you find a break during the day where you can recuperate.
Here is the abbreviated instruction from lesson 367:
Starting out, we sit with eyes closed and easily bring our attention to our breath. When we notice that our attention is no longer on our breath, we easily bring it back to the breath. ... We don't try and push thoughts out. We just easily favor the breath, no matter what else may be going on.
For me, at a certain point, it helped to have the eyes open. Try twice daily for 20 minutes, if you do not practice any meditation yet.
Take heart, and do try to get to the bottom of it. For every problem there is a solution, you just maybe didn't look in the right direction. |
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InnerVoice
Australia
1 Posts |
Posted - Sep 17 2014 : 10:13:41 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by mika
There's a massive hole in terms of help for this health problem. I had hoped to help fill it even a little bit but despite all of the people i've talked to, all of the articles and books i've read, the podcasts i've listened to etc, nothing has really fit with what I'm going through or made things any better. As much as I'd like to help with this problem, I feel like I've learned nothing at all and I have nothing to offer.
Hi Mika,
I might not be qualified to give advice in your situation. But I think what most you need is having a purpose in life and a sense of self-worth. I’d like to suggest forget about all this kundalini stuff and do what gives you joy and fulfilment. There has been said what you want to get is what you need to give. If you need love give love, if you need friend be friendly, if you need money give away money and if you want help give help. You might know or not know what your purpose in life is but helping people will give you sense of worth and satisfaction and will open your eyes to other possibilities available that doing them benefit others and will give you joy as well.
I’d like to suggest you get involved in some volunteer work not in your home town and for a couple of hours a week. But for at least six months and somewhere faraway possibly another country and culture and do some physical labour and burn excessive energy. It will clear your mind and gives you direction, not to mention helping others and watching their happiness fills you with joy. You see it’s all about providing service and most importantly kind of service that we love and enjoy rendering.
There are unlimited opportunities you can get your hands into. From building schools and hospitals in Nepal to saving rain forests in Bolivia, helping archaeologists digging for tressures of human history or if you like animal there are lots of opportunities in that area as well. You just need to Google them. Then in time you will find sort of work you most enjoy and can do better than anyone.
If you could just realize how important and effective you can be on the face of the Earth, you wouldn’t consider leaving it too soon.
Know that you don’t need help but there are countless people require your help.
Peace profound.
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parvati9
USA
587 Posts |
Posted - Oct 16 2014 : 8:44:35 PM
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Hi InnerVoice
Welcome to the AYP forums. Due to limited time online recently, I just noticed your post. It filled me with the kind of buoyancy and ecstasy that used to be an everyday occurrence (however not so much recently). Thank you for the contribution. I will be reading it many more times
love
parvati |
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