Note: For the complete lessons, with additions, see the AYP Easy Lessons for Ecstatic Living Books.

Lesson T72 – Tantra and Self-Pacing

From: Yogani
Date: January 9, 2010

New Members: It is recommended you read from the beginning of this tantra yoga archive, as previous lessons are prerequisite to this one. The first lesson is, "What is tantra yoga?"


Q: I used to feel a lot of ecstatic energy with stillness after long tantra sessions with my partner. But lately, I find myself feeling tired, irritable and let down for a day or two afterwards, as if I ejaculated too much, even though I did not. What is going on?


A: Like with any spiritual practice, we can overdo with tantric sex, and we will feel the effects in the aftermath. There can also be a delayed reaction, days or weeks later. There can be a combination of overdoing from several practices. If we are overdoing in one practice, we may have a tendency to overdo with other related practices. In the case of tantric sex, the overdoing may overflow into mulabandha, siddhasana, kumbhaka and other energy cultivating practices.

The answer is self-pacing until we find a stable routine that does not leave us in an energy overload and/or letdown mode. This is relatively simple in our sitting practices, where we regulate the times of practice to achieve a balance,. Self-pacing is more tricky in our love life, where lifestyle and relationship with our partner can exert an influence over the structure of our practice. It will certainly take some understanding and cooperation from our partner to self-pace tantric sex. Few expect loving-making to last an hour or more, though we can get used to anything. If it has to go back to half and hour, or fifteen minutes, it might seem a pinch, but this is still far more than the average.

So do whatever is necessary to bring your practice into balance with the rest of your life. Otherwise, the purpose of practices will be compromised. We do them to improve the quality of our life, not to wear ourselves out with energy overloads. You can be certain that the underlying principle of the preservation and cultivation of sexual energy (brahmacharya) will not change. It is only how we accomplish that while keeping in balance that may shift for us over time. So we make adjustments as necessary. In time, we will find that less is more when it comes to tantric sex. This is true of yoga in general, as we advance on the path of abiding inner silence and ecstatic bliss.

Be sure to keep a good balance with sitting practices. Results in tantra depend to a great extent on the quality and regularity of our sitting practices – deep meditation, spinal breathing pranayama, and so on, as per the AYP main lessons.

The guru is in you.