Note: For the complete lessons, with additions, see the AYP Easy Lessons for Ecstatic Living Books.

Lesson T27 - Q&A – The quest for infinite intimacy

From: Yogani
Date: Wed Apr 21, 2004 5:01pm

New Members: It is recommended you read from the beginning of this tantra yoga archive, as previous lessons are prerequisite to this one. The first lesson is, "What is tantra yoga?"

Q: Every so often I get this feeling that no matter what sexual or tantric practices I attempt I will never, in this body, be totally at union with my partner - never find infinite intimacy. It seems like if I were to stare into my partner's eyes I would never know exactly what they are thinking or feeling. I can't exactly express why but this is sometimes a very depressing thought for me. It sometimes makes me burn with passion as if I just keep trying to jump over the final hurdle that is too high to even see over, but it seems a useless/impossible passion. Is this a misguided feeling? Am I misinterpreting my subconscious will or God's will?

I haven't as of yet had the chance to try tantric practices with a partner but it seems as if no matter how divine the feeling is it will not surmount the personality gap that feels to me more significant as an obstacle. It doesn't even have to be a sexually related solution; though sex seems the most intimately possible attempt. Maybe I should try practicing clairvoyance of some sort? I'm not really sure. Any thoughts or words of advice on bridging this chasm in lovemaking or otherwise would be well spent.

A: True union is beyond thinking, feeling, clairvoyance, etc. It is beyond the idea of "the other."

It is a paradox. The best way to find true union with another person is by finding union in ourselves. Then there is no personal agenda to get in the way. It is just Self in one serving Self in the other. Infinite intimacy is 100% service to the other, without expectation of receiving anything in return. Infinite intimacy isn't something that can be obtained or hurdled into. It is known by letting go, by surrendering, by giving everything. But more than that – it requires a transformation in the functioning of our nervous system at the most fundamental level. This can be accomplished through yoga.

Your desire for union is good. The frustration comes from pointing it outward to obtain something instead of letting go inward. Even looking into another's eyes is outward, unless we are looking from the perspective of inner silent pure bliss consciousness cultivated in meditation. If you use your desire as bhakti for motivation to do spiritual practices, then you will find what you are seeking, both in yourself and in your lover.

The only true infinite intimacy to be found is in our enlightenment. It is an internal affair in each of us -- the divine union of our inner polarities. That is how we come to it. Then when we make love, we become the loving, and there is no question about someplace to get to, or hurdle to jump. It all melts away, as we become the caressing. Through practices we become it.

In yoga we don't surmount or overcome our obstacles. We dissolve them so the inherent inner light can shine through. This is the secret. Everything is changed by that one simple principle, and the practices that stimulate the reality of it in our nervous system.

It is suggested that you redirect your desire toward wanting to unfold your inner truth. Then things will happen. You must be willing to act -- willing to engage in daily practices. With daily practices, your experience of life will expand in indescribable ways, and so will your lovemaking.

The guru is in you.

Note:  For detailed instructions on the methods of tantra in relation to the broad scope of yoga practices and the enlightenment process, see the AYP Tantra book.

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