Lesson 27 - Q&A – The quest for infinite intimacy

From: Yogani
Date: Wed Apr 21, 2004 5:01pm

New Members: It is recommended you read from the beginning of this
tantra yoga archive, as previous lessons are prerequisite to this
one. The first lesson is, "What is tantra yoga?"

Q: Every so often I get this feeling that no matter what sexual or
tantric practices I attempt I will never, in this body, be totally at
union with my partner - never find infinite intimacy. It seems like if
I were to stare into my partner's eyes I would never know exactly
what they are thinking or feeling. I can't exactly express why but
this is sometimes a very depressing thought for me. It sometimes makes
me burn with passion as if I just keep trying to jump over the final
hurdle that I to high to even see over, but it seems a useless/impossible passion. Is this a misguided feeling? Am I misinterpreting my
subconscious will or God's will?

I haven't as of yet had the chance to try tantric practices with a
partner but it seems as if no matter how divine the feeling is it
will not surmount the personality gap that feels to me more
significant as an obstacle. It doesn't even have to be a sexually
related solution; though sex seems the most intimately possible
attempt. Maybe I should try practicing clairvoyance of some sort? I'm
not really sure. Any thoughts or words of advice on bridging this
chasm in lovemaking or otherwise would be well spent.

A: True union is beyond thinking, feeling, clairvoyance, etc. It is
beyond the idea of "the other."

It is a paradox. The best way to find true union with another person
is by finding union in ourselves. Then there is no personal agenda to
get in the way. It is just Self in one serving Self in the other.
Infinite intimacy is 100% service to the other, without expectation
of receiving anything in return. Infinite intimacy isn't something
that can be obtained or hurdled into. It is known by letting go, by
surrendering, by giving everything. But more than that – it requires
a transformation in the functioning of our nervous system at the most
fundamental level. This can be accomplished through yoga.

Your desire for union is good. The frustration comes from pointing it
outward to obtain something instead of letting go inward. Even
looking into another's eyes is outward, unless we are looking from
the perspective of inner silent pure bliss consciousness cultivated
in meditation. If you use your desire as bhakti for motivation to do
spiritual practices, then you will find what you are seeking, both in
yourself and in your lover.

The only true infinite intimacy to be found is in our enlightenment.
It is an internal affair in each of us -- the divine union of our
inner polarities. That is how we come to it. Then when we make love,
we become the loving, and there is no question about someplace to get
to, or hurdle to jump. It all melts away, as we become the caressing.
Through practices we become it.

In yoga we don't surmount or overcome our obstacles. We dissolve them
so the inherent inner light can shine through. This is the secret.
Everything is changed by that one simple principle, and the practices
that stimulate the reality of it in our nervous system.

It is suggested that you redirect your desire toward wanting to
unfold your inner truth. Then things will happen. You must be willing
to act -- willing to engage in daily practices. With daily practices,
your experience of life will expand in indescribable ways, and so
will your lovemaking.

The guru is in you.

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