Note: For the complete lessons, with additions, see the AYP Easy Lessons for Ecstatic Living Books.

Lesson 23 - Q&A – The count method - How to stay in front of orgasm

From: Yogani
Date: Sun Apr 11, 2004 0:18pm

New Members: It is recommended you read from the beginning of this tantra yoga archive, as previous lessons are prerequisite to this one. The first lesson is, "What is tantra yoga?"

Q: Thank you for your great lessons here and over in the main yoga group too. You have made a believer out of me. Well I'm trying. I am one of those who is hooked on orgasm. I don't know if hooked is the right word. I just get going you know and don't know how to stop in front of orgasm even though I want to and know it is the way. I got my boyfriend reading the lessons so maybe he will give me some help. Even in masturbation (I do alot) I can't stop either. It is like I am a runaway train and can't stop till I have gone over the cliff. I go and go and how do I stop that? Also, I like to use a vibrator sometimes, and I don't know how to stop that before orgasm either. Should I give up vibrator? I started using siddhasana recently and am having some success staying aroused and in front orgasm in meditation, but I'm masturbating sometimes in it too and I feel guilty. It seems like the only time my body wants to stop is after the big thrill and then it's too late. Help!

A: You have the essential ingredient for success – desire. And I don't mean sexual desire, which you have plenty of, and you can use that to your advantage. All desire (including sexual desire) can be transformed to high spiritual purpose, which you are beginning to do now. It is bhakti.

You are finding in your passion that all-important desire to do what is necessary to go higher inside with your sexual energy. That means being aroused in front of orgasm for extended periods. That is when the preservation and cultivation of sexual energy occurs. That is brahmacharya.

You know from previous writing here that even the ecstatic nuns kept themselves aroused for God for months and years on end.

For we ordinary mortals who have not forsaken reproductive sex the question is, how do we stay in front of orgasm when the gods of reproduction are hurling us mercilessly toward it? By now we know the principle of preservation and cultivation of sexual energy. But how do we do a better job of turning principle into practice? There is another technique we can apply that will stop us before orgasm, guaranteed. And I don't mean setting off a stick of dynamite next to the bed just before we go over the edge. That may not help.

We can all count, right? This is called the counting method. How unsexy can you get? Just mention of counting is a turn off. What are we going to count? Sheep?

No. We will count strokes. "Strokes?" you say. Yes, those things that bring us to orgasm. Assume you are solo, masturbating. How many strokes does it take? 20? 50? 100? 500? You probably never counted. Who does? But now we will do some counting, at least until we can develop some discipline in front of orgasm. And the counting can help with that a lot, because it gets us used to stopping stimulation in front of orgasm. That is all it takes, you know. Just developing some familiarity with what it is like to stop stimulation in front of orgasm. It is not the end of the world. It is the beginning of a new world.

So, when you masturbate, do some stroking until it is starting to get exciting. You know, as that train is starting to speed up and run away. Then count ten strokes and stop for about fifteen seconds. Or stop for half a minute or longer if you want to. If ten strokes are too many, use five strokes and stop. If ten is not enough, use fifteen or twenty strokes and stop. But not close to orgasm. Not right on top of orgasm. Use the count method to give yourself some room. Allow yourself to become familiar with that space in front of orgasm. That is what the count method is for. In doing so you will be cultivating sexual essences higher in your nervous system, and after a while of doing this you will feel yourself entering a realm of peaceful ecstasy. Go there. Stay there for a time. The longer you do, the more your nervous system will be transformed into a pure vehicle of spiritual experience.

The count-based stopping is a regulated version of the holdback method, used in masturbation mode in this case. Just keep doing it. If the ten-count with fifteen second rests are moving you away from arousal, then up it to fifteen strokes. If you are moving closer to orgasm with each count, then make the count a little less. The idea is to find a balance-point of arousal in front of orgasm that is erotically pleasurable and then keep doing the strokes and holdbacks using the count method over and over again. See if you can keep it up for thirty minutes. That is good holdback practice, and you will notice much energy going up, and enter into that peaceful ecstatic state mentioned above. Most importantly, you will be developing the habit of knowing how to stop stimulation in front of orgasm and being okay with it because you will find the peace and ecstasy that come up in it. That is how to get that runaway train under control. It is a new and wonderful kind of stimulation and gratification we are developing. Both women and men can use the count method in masturbation with good results.

In practice with a partner, if the man is having difficulty with the holdback method, he can count strokes also to help develop the habit of staying in front of orgasm. And, of course, he has blocking available too. The count method is the same procedure in lovemaking with a partner as alone, except there are two people instead of one, so two sexual energies are being cultivated in front of orgasm instead of one. It is more stimulating and more complicated, and requires teamwork as discussed in previous lessons. That is where your boyfriend's reading of the lessons will come in handy for both of you. In the meantime, you can be practicing on your own, and it will help you tremendously in moving to tantric lovemaking. Whatever progress we make developing control in solo practice is directly transferable to lovemaking with a partner. When your boyfriend gets to be advanced in control of his ejaculation, then you can practice on top of him too. By then, you will probably be beyond needing to use counting in your tantric lovemaking, and you will both be making love in the higher realms of your nervous systems. By then you will know how to stay in front of orgasm by well-developed habit and be climbing the stairway to heaven with ease.

Counting is a good tool for developing the habit of staying preorgasmic. It is also a help for becoming very satisfied sitting aroused and preorgasmic in siddhasana throughout sitting practices. Of course, as you are finding, siddhasana is self-contained training for that in itself. It is okay that you go into masturbation sometimes in siddhasana. Don't worry about it. It is a normal transition everyone goes through in one way or another when developing siddhasana. Masturbation in siddhasana will gradually become less as experience advances. Over time you will find that slipping into siddhasana and doing your sitting practices preorgasmically all the way through is every bit as satisfying as having sex. Actually, it is much more satisfying because there is no let down – no cliff, just going higher and higher. It is orgasm reborn as unending whole body ecstatic bliss all through pranayama and meditation, and beyond. When experiences go so high like this, there is no need to give up sex. The principles of preservation and cultivation can be used to good advantage in either mode.

The count method can be used with your vibrator also, though you may not be able to count strokes if you are using it in a more or less stationary position. In that case, just count the seconds with your inner clock, and stop the vibrator stimulation at the appointed number. You may find that you need to use a lower count to stay in front of orgasm with the vibrator because it provides more stimulation. So maybe once you have the train going you will use a five count and stop, instead of ten or more using finger strokes only. It can be done like that, and there is no problem using a vibrator or other device for stimulation in this way if you are so inclined. The main thing is knowing how to stop to preserve and cultivate sexual energy, and the count method will do that for you if you are prudent in choosing your count numbers.

You are a tantric goddess in the making. In no time you will be taking your lover and yourself to new heights of ecstatic bliss inside. All of this will help make your sitting practices very enjoyable, and permeate your daily activities with increasing ecstasy.

The guru is in you.

Note:  For detailed instructions on the methods of tantra in relation to the broad scope of yoga practices and the enlightenment process, see the AYP Tantra book.

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