Note: For the complete lessons, with additions, see the AYP Easy Lessons for Ecstatic Living Books.

Lesson T10 - Q&A – Sexual healing

From: Yogani
Date: Sun Feb 15, 2004 4:25pm

New Members: It is recommended you read from the beginning of the AdvancedYogaPractices main group web archive, as previous lessons are prerequisite to this one. The first lesson is, "Why This Discussion?" It is also recommended you read from the beginning of this tantra yoga archive. The first lesson is, "What is tantra?"

Q: The spiritual aspirations of tantric sex are noble as you describe them, but I find it hard to tackle the problem of developing male "staying power" without more down to earth rewards. If I go through all this will it help my marriage? Specifically, will my wife become more interested in having intimate relations with me?

A: The human race is in quite a fix when it comes to sex. We are the custodians of this great power that has been given to us by God, yet we are still to find the maturity to manage it responsibly. Hence, sex is at the heart of much of the debilitating karma we carry around with us through life after life.

Sex isn't really the problem though. It is the immaturity of our human nervous system. We are an in-between species on the evolutionary scale. In-between the animal kingdoms and the divine being kingdoms. We are a species in transition. This transition is intimately tied in with the knowledge of yoga, the knowledge of human spiritual transformation.

The primordial force of sex rules the planet for the purpose of perpetuating the many species. In the plant and animal kingdoms, it functions with impressive harmony. In the human kingdom, where mind and free will reign along with sex, it is not so harmonious.

What does all this have to do with attracting a member of the opposite sex to the love chamber? Everything!

Sexually speaking, we are a race of the "walking wounded," injured over and over again by the immature processes of interaction between the pleasure-seeking mind and sex. Our sense of self is wrapped up in it, and 99% of it is lodged beneath the surface of our conscious awareness in the so-called subconscious mind. Many of the obstructions we talk about in the lessons in the main group are related to these sexual dislocations that have occurred over the course of many lives. There are other kinds of obstructions, but the obstructions created by sexual misappropriation are a huge influence in all of us, as folks like Sigmund Freud have pointed out.

So we need healing, sexual healing. It comes with daily practice of yoga disciplines for sure. We barely have to think about sex as the housecleaning is going on while doing the "right-handed" disciplines of advanced yoga practices discussed in the main group. It is a pretty luxurious approach to cleaning up all the subconscious mess. If you don't need sex, and you have right-handed practices, then you have it made.

For those who need sex, we have the "left-handed" disciplines. That is a different story. It is for couples only, you know. Only the brave need enter here.

How do you tell your wife you are sorry for 100,000 years of abuse? Not that you are directly responsible. But someone has to say, "I'm sorry." It may as well be you. And you need the apology as much as she does. We have all been men and women over innumerable lifetimes. We all have the divine masculine and feminine inside us right now, wounded, divided, asleep, and not comfortable to come to the divine bedchamber everywhere inside us. We are as blocked and dysfunctional in our internal lovemaking as we are in our external lovemaking. The two lovemakings are parallel. If one is healthy, the other will be healthy. Everyone needs an apology for past wrongs. Millions and millions of past wrongs spawned by our rising mental power and immature nervous system. No one is to blame, but we all should be sorry for it, and comfort each other. The hurting will end. We are growing up.

So, begin with soft touching, not for sex, but for consoling eons of hurt, for love. That is a good place to start. Dare to trust your sincere tantric lover. It takes a lot of courage. That can only happen with benign sharing, and caring for the other more than the sexual obsession we have. This is where the tantric methods come in. If a man has become the master of his seed, he will not be nearly so obsessed. He will have time to care about the goddess who loves him and who needs his unconditional love.

Most often it will seem to be she who needs the nurturing. But she is not alone in her need. Men are wounded too. They cover it up, you know. Men are not allowed to feel vulnerable in our society. Any sign of vulnerability is taken as weakness, and then the instinctive protector role of the man is compromised. So both the man and the woman need nurturing. You can count on it. Both need gentle touching. Both need to sleep with someone who has no expectations. Can you do that with your lover – sleep with them with no expectations in the gentle spoon pose? Progress in the tantric sexual methods in these lessons will enable you to do this, and not after draining your vitality first. Rather, you can be together intimately with full sexual vitality, unspent sexually, not expecting anything from your lover. This is the power of tantric sex, the power to be vital with prana, without expectations, able to nurture. It is a higher functioning of the nervous system, and how we will travel beyond the immature expressions of sex.

If we work with the methods and principles, we can get on the road to sexual healing. What is sexual healing? First, it is not creating more injury. That happens as our behaviors toward the opposite sex become more mature – more nurturing. Second, it is releasing the obstructions built up over ages past, and in this lifetime. It all can be let go using the right-handed and left-handed methods of tantra. Once we are underway, and it is clear to both partners what the journey is, it is a new world. Then who will not be attracted to the love chamber?

So you see, there is a down to earth benefit in learning male staying power. It is the first step on a journey of healing, sexual healing. It can dramatically change the quality of a relationship in a short time. Just agreeing to work on it together will be a huge leap forward in the relationship. That is the initial payoff. The long-term payoff is even bigger – unending ecstatic bliss!

An American movie came out a few years ago that is recommended for more perspective on the subject of sexual healing. It is called, "Bliss," with actors Craig Sheffer, Sheryl Lee and Terence Stamp. It is a contemporary story about the relationship of a young married couple. It is entertaining, erotic, and also a serious study of relationships, sexual healing, and healing of the psyche. You can probably find it at your local video rental store. It is not everything that we discuss here in advanced yoga practices, but it illustrates very well some of the key points about sexual relations we have covered.

The guru is in you.

Note:  For detailed instructions on the methods of tantra in relation to the broad scope of yoga practices and the enlightenment process, see the AYP Tantra book.

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